So very depressed
Yesterday was a tough day & honestly I have been reviewing How 2007 was…
Apparently it was very promising & glittering but FAKE
PERFECT decisions but in really were bad ones in the long run
I was chitchatting with my friend while driving & I really summarized what 2007 was to me:
TOTAL emotional failure, as usual nothing new!!!
Masters plans collapsed just yesterday
Professionally wise, it was…..
Anyways wishing everybody a blessed new year full of love & success
So very depressed
She asked me one question what do you want….
Without hesitation I answered I want to be myself, I want to have a simple life. I really miss being myself. I fed up from acting. I fed up from hiding the true me. I’m sick of acting in front of them, lying, hiding the truth..etc.
It’s a double standard society that made me have two different lives.
I told her how I’m sick of being double standard. Through out the previous years I learnt to talk, act, walk, live, breathe, & think the way CLUTURE, SOCIETY, & RELIGION think it’s the RIGHT WAY.
I feel like screaming very loud telling them its not my fault that God chose us to be FEMALES. Its not our fault he gave us the burden of virginity.
I’m tired of swimming against the flow. Where am i going?
Posted by Arab Lady at 7:48 PM
Posted by Arab Lady at 5:42 PM
I was seeing my self in white..imagining how my wedding would look like & how I would style my hair , who to invite..etc
I can’t imagine myself a married lady..honestly..but got some feeling that probably I’ll wear an engagement ring soon..its a bit difficult to accept the idea! What about my career? After lets say 9 hours at work & 3-4 hours being stuck in traffic then what remaining is absolutely for getting rest!
What about college? Who will cook? What about my single girl friends? Will I be able to hang out with them again? What type of life style will I have? What about the tight jeans? Will he interfere with what I wear & what I do? What about MAMA? How can I leave her!! I barely see her for straight 3 minutes every day but still…I sense her warmth
Digesting the idea of being the woman of one man is very difficult. I want to be SINGLE L but at the same time I really need somebody special in my life. What would be the solution then?!!!
No really the idea of getting married scares the hell out of me. I’m afraid of commitment & marriage is both religious & cultural eternal commitment.
What I understand right now is
I’m still young
It might be too early 4 commitment
I want to be free
I want to be SINGLE
You are afraid to go for Option B because you might regret doing so. You are afraid to lose the privileges & positives you are enjoying now. You are afraid of the unknown & its consequences. You are afraid of the new challenges.
At the same time the existing option is not tolerable. Its creativity killer.
I’m stuck & no one is willing to lead me to the right path. Why it’s scary to take decisions. What is the right decision? Why its impossible to be satisfied with what you have?
Is it a good idea to date a man in his 40s?
Lesson Learnt :Life is very interesting in all aspects.
Is it a good idea to date a man who is 20 yrs older than you?
Lately I discovered than it’s not a very good idea to think about dating a man in 40s! I might be wrong but they tend to be sex & desire driven.
They have spent two decades working day & night & they reached a stage in which they are ready to settle with a sex machine. So you better be extremely beautiful, tricky, manipulative, & sexy in order to pass their “Physical Examination”. Yesterday I passed his Physical Test with a C Grade. So I immediately recommended that he would look for another “OBJECT” that would “PASS HIS PHYSICAL EXAMS” with A+ Grade.
His response was that I’m so tough, defendant, hot blooded, with a fighting attitude & with no sense of humor!!
Every day I discover that they treat us as objects…..
Few days ago, mom had some visitors & among them was a woman mom hasn’t seen for about 10 yrs. Actually she was khataba who was interested to see me/evaluate me to see whether I would pass her exams too!!
She wanted a 20 years girl who would sit at home, a house made in other word. Of course I don’t meet both criteria. I can’t tolerate the idea of married women sitting at home!! Unbelievable!! In my opinion they are the most useless “living creatures” on EARTH. I really feel sorry for them. No identity, no independence, total financial reliance on the man, time wasted on gossip, cooking & cleaning….etc
She is ridicules… I will never be a house maid….
Men are ridicules….. i will never be an object….
Life with such people is a horrible place to live in. Isn't ?
I believe it’s much better to be homosexual nowadays. At least you will maintain your self respect.
TO HELL with marriage
I’m not perfect & I don’t have to explain myself to every & each person….they need to accept the way I’m …
I feel like listening to a sad song….probably some thing by Hussain EL jasmi http://ozq8.com/song-12160.ram ya sneeen 3omri ah ya sneeen 3omri kifaya 7izn ya snini http://ozq8.com/song-12117.ram all ma3ah la t7akiya w latisma3a…
I don’t feel like sleeping either