To the guy of “Excuse me miss, I know who you are!”,I write to you!

27 August, 2008

Yesterday & in the middle of my grocery shopping at Emirates Mall, an Asian guy stopped me. I was like noooooooooooo way not any again! Remind me please to tell u an old story about the same incident at the same spot & time but with an Egyptian guy ;)

Anyhow, I was so suspicious about what he wanted. He asked if I’m X person working @ X company in DMC. I confirmed that I’m the same person but explained that I’m not working at that company anymore. He tried to remind me of himself...apparently I interviewed him for a job vacancy. To be honest with you, that was 2 years ago & I couldn’t remember him!

But was that a convincing reason???

I had no clue why he stopped me & initiated many topics while I still had way to go to finish what I want to buy. He was so confident & excited! His eyes & body language radiated his excitement to tell me a secret or anything confidential he knows….!!!He wanted to say something but he couldn’t know how. I was so patient until he reached the part that he could have said in the very beginning.

I know your blog! I know that you are Arab Lady!

My smile disclosed everything….I was like aha! What makes you believe I’m the same blogger?

Actually, he showed his interest to the topics I discuss & asked me about the reasons why I want to keep my blog so very private. He apologized for causing any kind of embarrassment, if any.

He was like you look very strong as we see u in real life but it’s somehow surprising to read your writing that shows a kind of battle deep inside you.

I know that you will read my post & I just want to let you know that I didn’t get embarrassed. Not at all. I will never be ashamed of my opinions nor the emotional & mental status I go through when I get pissed off or depressed.

I might look to you like a lady with a strong personality, plucky, & arrogant but at the end of the day I’m like the rest of human beings who question their cultural, religious, & social values. My blog is a spot where I mostly rant, complain, & whine about anything that upsets me. Above this & that, I’m a female with feelings, worries, dreams & sensitivity that i keep hiding…

Regarding the privacy issue, any female writing about any controversial topic is considered as a fame seeker!
So here I’m …just seeking a tiny spot on the cyber space to voice my thoughts & escape reality…it’s an online diary anyways & I’m not a writer

At any rate, I liked your courage. See you around!

Ana & My Religious Mama!

24 August, 2008

It’s so ridiculous how being a single female in a conservative culture means that you are under supervision regardless of all circumstances. Whether you are financially independent or not, whether you are above 21 or not, whether you are mature or not, you still have to abide by local tradition by force even if you don’t believe in it.

Having a religious Muslim mother is not something pleasing to deal with! When I say religious, I mean every bit of it!
I wish if I could let her understand that it’s my life. Indeed, I fed up from changing my plans & lifestyle to accommodate her frame of mind. I wish if she could figure out that I’m doing her a favor by staying at my parents’ house!

I want to scream saying I hate Hijab! I'm sick of the endless lectures about how "7aram" is it to reveal your body & hair!
I want to let her know that if I smoke or wear a short skirt it is not about showing my merchandise or hunting down a handsome groom, its about me respecting my right to exist without suppressing my self! I dont believe my body is "3awra"!

I am sick of the same broken record about “3eeeb” & “ 7aram” & “wut ppl shall I say”.
I wanna EXIST & LIVE in a world away from religious & cultural obligations that drive u to no where!

Can I have some peace without calling me almost every day asking why u are late? Where are u now? How many times shall i explain that if a truck hits me, the hospital would call her! i'm moving around with my ID with me for God's sake! so they will know who the hell i'm!

Personally, I don’t have to give explanations about why I’m late. at least this wut i believe in... I’m fully responsible for myself & my safety. I don’t need time curfew since I’m not living in a military camp! HELLOOOOOOI have the right to go wherever I want with whomever I want whenever I want! Hellllllll

She thinks I’m not convinced of Islam & its teachings that’s why I’m rebelling. At the end of the day its my life so please wake up before I lose my patience.
Your obsession about me should end; the bird will leave the nest sooner or later.

Unrelated ….inconsistent thoughts written while @ work

14 August, 2008

Fake world with frozen feelings…plastic faces…big lies….yellow smiles….black hatred…
I can no longer trust anybody …I can’t distinguish between who is honest & who is not…

My mood is not good today with all the money I spend to boost my swingy emotions….that proves that happiness stems from your brain, your attitude, your soul, & your heart

The day before my childish friend dragged me to Magic Planet @ Mall of the Emirates to play games!!!
I found it ridiculous & shameful… I was looking around myself all the time to see if anybody I know would me there! Its cool to go crazy & do things you usually don’t dare to commit!

She wanted to get our picture etched on a medal & I had to surrender to her wish especially that she will get back to her home town next week….i will definitely miss her non-stoppable madness with all the tons of the problems she has…she never stops laughing giggling jumping from here to there like a kido …sometimes I think about her & how she could survive with the endless troubles she has…she still manages to smile….weird life…or weird human beings…

04 August, 2008

This is what a wrote on 10th July, 2008-08-04

“ At this particular moment, I feel that I’m so desperate & sad,
I really lost interest in life
What makes me stay here is that I’m afraid of death…….
I have no reason anymore to stay”

I also wrote the following lines:

ماذا من طعم يبقى في الحياة “
بعدما تفقد الحياه لذتها ماذا من جمال يبقى في الوجود
بعدما تفقد الاشياء من حولتك جماليتها

تبحث عن المزيد في حين لا يرضيك ماهو الموجود
تبحث عن الذي انت لا تدري ماهوى
لكن تدرك أنه مفتاح الخلاص

I have the same feelings today & everday…I really wish if I can die coz I e feel I have no reason to live…..why shall I live the way destiny was set by forces beyond my capability…whats the point of positions, money, cars…education if I will eventually die

Why don’t we cut it short if we are not happy in life….i wish if death would be a peaceful end to someone’s pain

Why Arabs are bloody killers

I have read a comment by an American on You Tube commenting on the killing of the Lebanese singer, Suzan Tamem. He was right. He just asked why Arabs like to kill people!!

Yes why we have the passion towards killing others…others who differ from us

I’m sick of the bloody genes that we unfortunately inherited…..Palestinians, Lebanese, Egyptians, Sudanese, Iraqis…etc are killing each other in the name of religion, for the sake of dominance….

Diversity is a curse in the third world ….Is it God’s fault who created us differently..or its us having malfunctioning shallow-minded brains

I’m sick of seeing brothers in humanity killing each other….i’m sick of seeing people putting an end to life on Earth….

Lets live in peace for God’s sake…….