I feel sympathy towards this blog. It tolerated a lot & has been my window when being depressed or upset. Actually I used blogging mainly as a modern therapeutic methodology when feeling irritated!!! Without doubt, that consequently reflected a certain image of me being so desperate in life! I cant deny that I come across tough moments when I feel myself week, vulnerable, & pessimistic.
This blog witnessed various stages of my life & drastic transitions in my thinking about the world. I hereby express my thanks along with apologies to this webpage!
I would never delete this blog! One day I might go through what I have written & just laugh (I’m doing that already!!)
I really miss my old fellow bloggers who either quit or just disappeared. Have not heard from them since ages. I’m also blamed for being inactive in networking in the blogsphere. Here is some of them:
Abu Faris (Syria),AL Baal Big Fat Ego CF (UAE) Dana (Jordan) DG (UAE) Digital Niqabi (US) Dina (UAE) Eshda3wa (Kuwait) Eva Feras (Jordan) Fouad (UAE) Gardinia (Syria) Hanan (UAE) Jawahir (Oman) John Ford Khaled (Jordan) Local Expat (UAE) Lost & Confused (Oman) Maryam MD (UAE) Mothings Nash (Oman) Out of Me Sabra (Canada) Samer (US) Stained (UAE) Summer (US)
And many many more…….
I’m determined to either revamp the blog inside out or just quit blogging.
April resolution would be a life time resolution hoping to look at life in an optimistic way, to embrace wut Allah has given me, love things/ppl the way they are, accept reality, & seek positive changes in attitude, mentality, & way of life….
I’m looking for a new beginning….. a bright start indeed …today I’m opening a new window
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step & I started with changing the blog color.
Would this feeling last??? I hope so
To my blog with apology!
I’m very depressed as usual. I am thinking of finding a good psychiatrist in town before its too late. I have been suffering from severe sadness for years & I wish if I could put an end to this nightmareAnazer (another) Blab Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
shatoora ana ana i took this photoI’m the type of ppl who gets BORED QUICKLY ……So tell me how was your Valentine? Any good news? Mine sucked & was preceded with severe depression. This valentine passed by without having a date nor a fiancé : (
Too bad huh…somehow my friends managed to convince me to go & hang out….currently I’m not into heavy makeup but booked an appointment & had my make up done by a makeup stylist taba3an in attempt to lift my spirits up!! I wore black in black ! actually I wore one of the shortest skirts I have! I looooooooooove short skirts!!
Anyways, yesterday I stumbled over E while hanging out at Mall of the Emirates. I haven’t seen him since March 2007! He came back to dubai recently but never managed to catch up with each other…..
Anyways
The boyfriend of my Best Friend is driving her crazy ….yesterday we were negotiating about her plans to cheat on him!!! (7aki niswan)Well I advised her to give him some time to fix the situation & if things didn’t get any better GO AHEAD BABE & DATE someone else!!! Hehe what a bad friend … her b/f brought me on my birthday beautiful roses & a gigantic pinky bear whose head couldn’t pass through my room door!! Actually I told her don’t expect men to remain the same creatures the first day u met them! They do change A LOT once they figure out u r in love with them……….
L is getting married in May! Ya rab ya rab plzz plzz I wanna loooooooooooooooooose weight before her wedding ceremony!! Any ideas for lovely useful gifts that would draw a smile on the face of one of the most beautiful brides ever.
By the way I’m still bored…lol
ANYWAY I think I will write another post to kill time as I don’t feel like doing anything…
If your religion does not change you, change your religion
**** If your religion does not change you, change your religion****I have been thinking a lot about this sentence ….my sister threw some comments last night when she said you are not in need of us…nor do we …but remember that one day you will be asked about your deeds!!
Shall women compromise in the name of religion?
Shall I surrender submit ….accept the current situation & tolerate more shit because allah will punish me if I wanna go against the current flow!!! So surprising that she wants me to experience what she has gone through! Advocates of misery!
I’m just asking when can religion become a burden on Mankind!! So would you change your religion if it didn’t change you!
My Life in a boooook
I don’t know if my life details & the obstacles I faced & I’m still facing would inspire young ladies out there….i reached to a point that I cant compromise anymore….some people accuse me of being too ambiguous …they cant understand that I’m tired of hiding many things I kept secret for years…
i have been restricted to practice my rights just becoz of gender issues….i have missed out on lots of opportunities & chances that could have pushed me steps forward….
Sometimes I wish if I could write about every thing & anything on this webpage without being afraid of revealing my identity or discovering who I’m ……….
No one on earth knows that I have been sexually harassed in my childhood ..one of the incidents was by close ppl..i wish if I could know mom’s reaction when she discovers who tried to sexually molest me when I was 6 years old…..
I would also tell my story with Hija which i put it on for a certain time ....then I couldn’t tolerate it anymore…being a non-hejabi now put me under the criticism zone for ever…I have got many things to say to the world…most importantly to the fucking culture….
i will really work hard to make this idea come true … even if I couldn’t change my life…my experience would change the life of many young ambitious ladies ….i wont reveal my identity as it will always remain Arab Lady …i really hope to accomplish this dream by the end of 2009….i will just write it publish it & distribute it FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Turned Twenty-Something
Somebody turned twenty-something few days back! I’m getting older & hopefully getting mature & wise as well!! duh
Well well well I’m officially labeled a “spinster now” : ) who cares anyways….i wish if things could have been better on all stages ( money, education, career, & most importantly love)!!
Got to loooooooooooooooooose weight…a sentence that I have been repeating it since ages! I need to get a liposuction then go hunt for a man ! lol
I’m wishng myself & everybody a peaceful weekend!
Cheers!!!
Block THEN Delete
Sometimes i really feel like having a problem forgiving others. I have few incidents that I can’t come over. I just cant. Its either black or white. I know its WRONG but I just couldn’t. I haven’t spoken to some people in YEARS!
I just can’t forget. I cant forgive. Probably I cant forgive those who meant something in the past.
Having the ability to forgive is a bless! It’s truly a bless! Sometimes I cant & I know Its one of the worst traits I ever have! I admit!
Yesterday I received a Ramadan Greeting MSG from an old friend I haven’t spoken to in one & a half years. A hot discussion ended our 5 years friendship. That day I knew its over at least from my side. I just drop her off, kissed her, & asked for her forgives if I ever hurt her.
Since that time I never spoke or met her.
Every Ramdan & Eid she sends me a msg but I never reply until last Eid when I decided to at least reply with a msg. this Ramadan I just posed starring at her text msg & I wasn’t sure if I had to reply back this Ramadan as well. It’s just too hard to forget how I felt that moment.
The hot discussion wasn’t about having different opinions or so but about seeing masks falling & true feelings being disclosed & revealed…..
You just realize how stupid you were when your honesty & good intentions blinded you.
I’m so very loyal to people in a naïve way. When I give I give endlessly but when I get hurt no matter how trivial the reason might be to some I just can’t get over the incident. The person gets moved to my black list immediately!
Ending a relation with an old friend might not sound as serous as taking out a close relative from your life. They just mean nothing to me & don’t exist in my world. I’m not regretting it now & I don’t want to regret it later. But I really don’t want THOSE DELETED people in my life for good!
PS: Ramadan Kareem to ALL Fasting Muslims
Random Thoughts
How does it feel to take off your chest a heavy burden? I just did by finishing my final exam. As mush as I was happy, I was a bit sad. My friends will be graduate next semester while I’m waaaaaaaay behind. They have jobs as well to maintain so I don’t have an excuse. I still have one year to go. I don’t want to regret putting my masters on hold but things happened the way it happened & I can do nothing about the past.
These days I don’t feel like talking to any of my family members….three days passed i haven’t seen anybody..nothing happened but I just don’t feel like talking ..listening to mom’s ranting about this & that….eft!
I should start a saving plan cause the situation is horrible…I’m not saving a penny although my salary is higher than my married brothers who have a tribe of kids!!
Thanks God, I don’t have to think about rent expenses, electricity, telephone bills, water, grocery shopping & cooking etc…..however, I’d love to be independent & settle down alone a part from sharing your privacy & life with your family….
Happy 3rd anniversary my lovely blog…I love u & I’m proud of you…I know you tolerated me in times I was happy, depressed, desperate, moody….thanks for my trustworthy friend & warm nest
Yesterday was one of the worst & longest days ever….time stopped at 9:00 am & didn’t move…
I wasn’t in the mood to work ….after duty I went shopping hoping to get better. actually yes I felt a bit better…the worst part continued when I woke up at 3:00 AM …I woke up from a horror movie indeed ….dead people again but this time I saw myself dead…I couldn’t stop crying & moved to another room….its like emotional torturing ..
Two weeks passed & I cant get over those nightmares…is it a sign? Will something wrong happen? Is it me or my family? Its like waiting for unknown mysterious fate…its getting closer from its target
I just saw my entire life in a movie for few minutes … I realized that I’m not ready at all to face death…I have never been a good Muslim….does God hate me? I can’t understand him….
I need to get those dreams explained by somebody coz I can’t tolerate such paaaaaaaaaaaain….i’m scared to sleep
One of my friends came from Canada last month… she is settled down in dubai now…her engagement party is this Friday..i cant help explain my mixed feelings….i’m happy for her but at the same time I’m sorry for myself …
Life doesn’t seem to be colorful anymore…..why do people start to lose interest in everything..things you try to engage your self with in order to get out of your dark zone…all my plans to get my brain busy have failed..sport..masters..friends…nothing worked
I’m missing something …I’m really missing something ….is it religion what I should search for
At this very moment …I feel like shooting my sister in law for being the worst mother on Earth…I always had the feeling that she has some mental disorders that belong to her early childhood since she was oppressed by her fanatic family….
She didn’t want to have her first child & in my opinion she successfully failed in raising her three yrs old kido ….the disastrous part that she is pregnant!!!! She doesn’t like kids!! Is it not educated enough to raise kids! She has a very short temper….
I wish if I would yell at her & say that u cant even take care of a rabbit
Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! She deliberately abuse her son
Not every women can be a good mother….childhood should be protected by a third party in case parents failed in fulfilling their responsibilities…where the hell do u find this in the Arab World!!!
Tell me how on Earth could a proper parent shout at his/her child…
I’m so upset
Thoughts
I would like to thank those who left comments on my last post…its so amazing to get your feedback & seek some advices based on your experience…
Wondering why some people read my blog!!!
Days pass by so fast…the weekend is around the corner ….work is ok but boring….I’m not going to the gym theses days …I knew it …my grades were ok for both midterm & project but I still have my final exam in two weeks….
Today morning my brain is occupied with the warnings about some possible terrorist attacks on UAE…I’m so confident that this would happen someday but I have no clue when…the disastrous part that I’m working in one of the potential targets which is busy with westerns & foreign companies……
How does it feel if you survived from a terrorist attack? How does it feel to know that you were able to make it while your colleges, friends, relatives or anybody at the attacked place weren’t? how much time it would take you to heal from the situation…what if I got paralyzed? Black thoughts ..black thoughts
And in case you lost your life, how doesn’t feel to know that the game is over? You are not able to do one final good deed any more. ….even you cant ask the forgiveness of people you hurt….you are not able to correct your mistakes anymore…its too late….no more chances….
What would you do if you know that today is your last day?
I would just raise my head to the sky & talk to God…I would tell him that I know that he exists ….i might not be a perfect person but whatever I have done, I have done it based on my convictions & beliefs that might be wrong or right…
Mom I don’t know if you & dad have been good parents but I know that you love me in your way….i know that I don’t express my love in the right way either but I love you both
Fashit kholi2
100% of arab men are jurks alll of them all of them ...im just wondering if i could meet only ONE MAN out of the zillions i'm seeing in my daily life
he wants to marry me he wants to c me....he lectures me regarding married women's dress code...he refuses to accept the idea of having male friends..etc CLAIMING THAT HE IS A MAN ...
where is ur manhood today when my car broke up? ur fucking dentist is more important than helping out a woman in need...a girl that u want her to be ur soul mate
i dont care about u ....aslan u dont match my expectations & criteria
i dont care about ur fucking appoitment with ur fucking dentist ..things would have changed a bit if u acted as a MAN
but deep inside i know that 99.99 % of those carying their fucking pinus are far away from being REAL MEN
just wondering why God is not sending my way some REAL Men ..they might not be existing...
wut fucking concepts they have in their mind about HOROR & MANHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
Lovely Quotes to Start You Day With!
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path & leave a trialHappiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.
Attitude determines altitude.
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Cliams cliams cliams ...a world full of cliams, based on claims...depending on claims....
thats what you would read on their website:
Why NIB
"Be it our people, our attitude or our philosophy and purpose. We are passionate about achievement, sincere about service, and caring about customers.
We are Noor Islamic Bank.
Our extraordinary dedication to you- our customer- , drives us to ensure that you always get the best of our highly evolved Islamic banking services. We are committed to setting benchmarks of excellence in our chosen field by delivering progressive Islamic Banking solutions.
We pride ourselves on our result-oriented culture, which is built on a customer-centric and service-assured platform. "
Here’s a sure way to put your life into top gear. If you’ve got your eye on that snazzy little 4-wheeler, we’ll help you drive off into the sunset.
Noor Drive - Unlimited choices , one solution
One of the most innovative and flexible auto finance schemes ever, here’s a multi-faceted auto finance package that's virtually guaranteed to offer a combination that fits your requirement, convenience and budget. And if that is not good enough, we also offer our customers four different way of owning the car of your choice. So go ahead, get into the driver's seat."
After writing a trillion word e-mail to Noor Islamic Bank, I received the following:
Dear ______
First of all, thank you for your time to visit our website.
I would also like to apologize on behalf of Noor Islamic Bank for our short comings.
Your email was acknowledged and forwarded to the Management and concern department and will be recorded in our customer complaint tracking.
Constructive feedbacks such as yours are greatly valued.
Regards,
Noor Islamic Bank
any action from their side??? I doubt
I sleeeeeeeeeeeeep a lot
Physical activity = 0
Mental activity= 0
I wake up late
I go to work late
My Tommy is getting bigger & bigger
I go to the saloon for the heck of wasting time & spending money
Appetite reducers didn’t work with me…I can’t close my mouth for more than 30 minz
These days I’m seeing nightmares on a daily basis
I have short temper most of the time
I don’t feel like doing anything at all
I’m hesitant in making decisions! Nothing matters to me..nothing is important anymore…every thing is 3adi
I put plans but I never make them true
I’m not concentrating on one thing at a time…I’m not concentrating at all
Sometimes I wonder what I want from life
I feel myself lost & confused
I’m just unhappy & I dunno why
I’m really worried & I’m scared as there are a lot of things coming up concerning my job that needs full dedication. I shouldn’t forget that I will register for two courses in May for my masters!
What the hell is happening to me? it is not me any more.
What do they call such symptoms? Is it depression?
خطرت على بالي فكرة جميلة جدا اتمنى تطبيقها في الوطن العربي. ( يا ريييت يعني)
معجبة بفكرة وضع الاب الذي يزوج ابنته القاصر ( أقل من 21) في السجن و اتهام زوج" الهنا" بتهمة الاغتصاب
ياسلام!!! ياترى كم من الاباء و الازواج (المغتصبين) سوف نضع نحن النساء في السجون!!
و احلى شى وضع صورة الاثنين على صفحة المجرمين المحتملين!!
الاجمل من ذلك في مجتمعاتنا هو اعتبار الفتاه التي في منتصف العشرينات ( عانس رسمي) و ان الفرص باتت شبه معدومة!
بسبب حب "الننوس عين أمه" الشاب الثلاثيني و الاربعيني للزواج من طفلة عمرها 18 سنة
صراحة و بدون لف و دوران أي شاب لديه مثل هكذا تفكير لا يناسب ان يكون شريك حياه لفتاه عاقلة متعلمة منفتحة و معتمده على نفسها
وارى ان اي فتاه لم تبلغ العشرين و تريد الزواج هي مجرد فتاه جد بلهاء قبلت ان يكون
سؤال؟ اذا الشب العربي يختار فتاه المستوى التعليم المتوسط و الثانوي،
إذا فمن سيتزوج الجامعيات و سيدات الاعمال اللواتي "نحتن في الصخر" للوصول لطموحاتهن
سؤال وجيه؟
الاجابة لي شخصيا سهلة: زواج عرفي يالاضافة إلى تنبي طفل!
و لا مزلة السي السيد بسلامتو!
In “Emarat EL Youm”, a leading Arabic Newspaper in UAE, there is a section that shows the answers of surveyed people about general topics. Today’s question was” Is beating wives justified?
The sad part is the responses of the women surveyed. I felt so very depressed to read the comments. They do agree claiming that some wives do tease their husbands & dive them crazy!!
Come on for God’s sake? Are we still living in Taliban’s era? Yes we do. Yes we do. Yes we do.
Arab Women deserve what they go through. They absolutely do!
If you are not brave enough to admit that you are a free human being with dignity, you certainly deserve to be abused & humiliated by those you made them your superiors.
I’m really sad.
: (
I was seeing my self in white..imagining how my wedding would look like & how I would style my hair , who to invite..etc
I can’t imagine myself a married lady..honestly..but got some feeling that probably I’ll wear an engagement ring soon..its a bit difficult to accept the idea! What about my career? After lets say 9 hours at work & 3-4 hours being stuck in traffic then what remaining is absolutely for getting rest!
What about college? Who will cook? What about my single girl friends? Will I be able to hang out with them again? What type of life style will I have? What about the tight jeans? Will he interfere with what I wear & what I do? What about MAMA? How can I leave her!! I barely see her for straight 3 minutes every day but still…I sense her warmth
Digesting the idea of being the woman of one man is very difficult. I want to be SINGLE L but at the same time I really need somebody special in my life. What would be the solution then?!!!
No really the idea of getting married scares the hell out of me. I’m afraid of commitment & marriage is both religious & cultural eternal commitment.
What I understand right now is
I’m still young
It might be too early 4 commitment
I want to be free
I want to be SINGLE
You are afraid to go for Option B because you might regret doing so. You are afraid to lose the privileges & positives you are enjoying now. You are afraid of the unknown & its consequences. You are afraid of the new challenges.
At the same time the existing option is not tolerable. Its creativity killer.
I’m stuck & no one is willing to lead me to the right path. Why it’s scary to take decisions. What is the right decision? Why its impossible to be satisfied with what you have?
Is it a good idea to date a man in his 40s?
Lesson Learnt :Life is very interesting in all aspects.
Is it a good idea to date a man who is 20 yrs older than you?
Lately I discovered than it’s not a very good idea to think about dating a man in 40s! I might be wrong but they tend to be sex & desire driven.
They have spent two decades working day & night & they reached a stage in which they are ready to settle with a sex machine. So you better be extremely beautiful, tricky, manipulative, & sexy in order to pass their “Physical Examination”. Yesterday I passed his Physical Test with a C Grade. So I immediately recommended that he would look for another “OBJECT” that would “PASS HIS PHYSICAL EXAMS” with A+ Grade.
His response was that I’m so tough, defendant, hot blooded, with a fighting attitude & with no sense of humor!!
Every day I discover that they treat us as objects…..
Few days ago, mom had some visitors & among them was a woman mom hasn’t seen for about 10 yrs. Actually she was khataba who was interested to see me/evaluate me to see whether I would pass her exams too!!
She wanted a 20 years girl who would sit at home, a house made in other word. Of course I don’t meet both criteria. I can’t tolerate the idea of married women sitting at home!! Unbelievable!! In my opinion they are the most useless “living creatures” on EARTH. I really feel sorry for them. No identity, no independence, total financial reliance on the man, time wasted on gossip, cooking & cleaning….etc
In short:
She is ridicules… I will never be a house maid….
Men are ridicules….. i will never be an object….
Life with such people is a horrible place to live in. Isn't ?
I believe it’s much better to be homosexual nowadays. At least you will maintain your self respect.
TO HELL with marriage
Arab Lady