24 June, 2008

Yesterday was one of the worst & longest days ever….time stopped at 9:00 am & didn’t move…
I wasn’t in the mood to work ….after duty I went shopping hoping to get better. actually yes I felt a bit better…the worst part continued when I woke up at 3:00 AM …I woke up from a horror movie indeed ….dead people again but this time I saw myself dead…I couldn’t stop crying & moved to another room….its like emotional torturing ..

Two weeks passed & I cant get over those nightmares…is it a sign? Will something wrong happen? Is it me or my family? Its like waiting for unknown mysterious fate…its getting closer from its target

I just saw my entire life in a movie for few minutes … I realized that I’m not ready at all to face death…I have never been a good Muslim….does God hate me? I can’t understand him….

I need to get those dreams explained by somebody coz I can’t tolerate such paaaaaaaaaaaain….i’m scared to sleep

One of my friends came from Canada last month… she is settled down in dubai now…her engagement party is this Friday..i cant help explain my mixed feelings….i’m happy for her but at the same time I’m sorry for myself …

Life doesn’t seem to be colorful anymore…..why do people start to lose interest in everything..things you try to engage your self with in order to get out of your dark zone…all my plans to get my brain busy have failed..sport..masters..friends…nothing worked

I’m missing something …I’m really missing something ….is it religion what I should search for


noora said...

Salam there :)

I have always been a silent reader of your blog, now u got me speaking.
Well, I had a similar case. Nightmares that scared the hell out of me, and as simple as this sounds this is what i tried and the nightmares vanished, maybe u could try it too.

1. I started performing wudu (ablution) before i head to sleep.
2. I read the surit al falak, al-nas, al ikhlas while holding my hand together. I blow into my hand then wipe it over my entire body from head to toe. I read ayat alkursi too.
3. I sleep on my right side and say the night prayer " Bismika rabi, wadha3tu janbi wa bika arfa3h. Inn amsakta nafsi fa ir7amha, wa in arsal-taha fa i7fadha bi ma ta7fadh bih 3ebadak alsali7een" OR the following prayer
"Allaahumma Bismika Amootu Wa Ahyaa."
Oh Allah! In Your Name do I die and (in Your Name) do I live.

Then head to sleep.
Try it tonight, u will feel the difference inshAllah :)
sweet dreams.

rosh said...

Take a calming shower, have something light to eat - drink plenty of water. Take deep breath, say a soulful heartfelt prayer - and go to sleep. Inshallah all shall be well. The thoughts are in your mind - everything is as it should be around you.

Anca said...

From my experience,
I know when you dream yourself dead, it's a good sign. It means your "death died",or in other words, "the old arab lady" died and "the new arab lady" is on the way to come. It will be a big change in your life, a good one, regarding you.Same happend to me & my mom.
And by the way, Rosh has fully right, follow his advice:)
I wish you all the best(I wouldn't worry in your place)

Sahar said...

You are missing being a good Muslim.
(ومن أعرض عن ذكري فإن له معيشة ضنكا )

ضنكا يعني بالضبط اللي تمرين فيه، ضيقة ومافي شي يسعدج...

أنا اعتقد أن الله ايحبج وعشان جي قرر أنه يحذرج ويذكرج أنج في يوم بتموتين ويمكن يكون هاليوم قريب، ولأن الله يحبج حذرج وهالشي يمكن لأنه يعرف أن معدنج طيب

لازم تكونين واثقة 100% أنج مهما حاولتي تعاندين الله وتسمعين وساوس الشيطان اللي تمر براسج أنج في الحقيقة مخلوق ضعيف وفاني وأن الله بإرادته يمكن ياخذ منج كل شي بما في ذلك الحياة نفسها

أنا ما اتمنى لج إلا كل خير، وفعلا أتمنى أنج تجربين ترجعين لله واذا ما حسيت براحة وتحسن ارجعي للي إنتي فيه
مو انتي عقولتج جربتي كل شي؟؟ ومع ذلك شعورج بالضيق ماراح! جربي درب الحجاب والصلاة والصدقة، صدقيني حتى لو مريتي بعدها بوقت صعب رح تكونين أقوى لأنج عارفة أن الله معاج.

Anonymous said...

A silent reader as well, but I had to comment this time. Religion does suppress us from a lot of things and we accept it because our beliefs are strong and were raised to respect. However, what you are missing is called, 'emotional loneliness'. All Muslim girls at one stage of their lives feel it. The fact that your friends engagements makes you feel sorry for yourself, is also a part of it.

In addition, I'm sure family is nagging you at this stage for you to get married as well.

This society's focus is on marriage and only marriage. It is tiresome and bothersome to aim your priorities and goals on one word, 'wedding' when an individual can do so much more with other things.

You reach a certain point in your life where people start pointing fingers at you rather than encourage you for the fine job you have or the education that you achieved.

Judgments are all based on whether this girl is married or not by the age of 25, if not, then something is wrong with her.

I'm sorry, but I ended up ranting than rather helping, but I think that's what you were missing - I'm sorry to intrude on your privacy.

Arab Lady said...

Thanks Noora, Rosh, Anca, Sahar for your advices….really appreciated …tried to follow some of ur recommendations & I guess they worked!
Silent reader….well your reasoning might be true & it makes sense…kol shi naseeb after all 

Anonymous said...

kol shi naseeb indeed~ I'm past 25 and single, so I do speak from experience.

I just saw the news about your friend, my condolences. Allah Yir7amah Inshallah.

Arab Lady said...

Thanks Fay

by the way do u have a blog?

Anonymous said...

I do, but not blogger. I use livejournal and it's basically used to obsess over anime/manga and videogames =)

Arab Lady said...

would love to have a look at it though :)
if u dont mind

Anonymous said...

hello there thanks for your grat post, as usual ((o: