A Difficult night

22 August, 2005

Today was really difficult and full of sadness and problems with my mom who whatever I do to get along with her I fail. It’s really disappointing to fail in communicating with the people who you share every single moment with them.

I had nothing to do but to break every single item in my room. I started with the mugs, glasses, dolls, all the vases, the lamp “I’ll spent the night in the darkness”, then I moved to the things that were on the wall even the wall watch didn’t escape from the madness that I had in that hour. I smashed every thing that my sight fell on. The artificial flowers that I had in my room turned into tiny pieces even the vase that my mom kept it for around a decade or more was from the pastJ. I do also feel sorry for the mirror of the closet that was broken! Some pieces of the floor were broken as well because of the heavy stuff that I threw on the floor.

I really felt fine after what I did. I felt that all was kept for a long time was released. Although it’s not a healthy habit, its one of the ways that makes me feel ok. Other things that I usually do when I get angry or mad are dancing or listening to the radio or writing what bothers me on a sheet of paper since the option of talking to some one close is quite impossible.

Finally I realized that I can’t spend the light in such a messy room where broken glass fell all the room. So I tried to clean what I did and my sister’s housemaid gave a hand and continued the work.

Well the room is clean now! So I had nothing to do except turning the radio on and listen to a special program broadcast at 10:00 pm. In the program they usually discuss one of the audience’s problems. This night’s problem was about a man whose wife refuses having his mom live with them at the same house. So he doesn’t know how to deal with his wife that he loves a lot.

That story moved some feelings in me. So I ran to my mom who was in her room. I kissed her hands asking her to forgive me and the night ended peacefully.