23 August, 2006

Single Arab women living alone? Yup, WHY NOT?

Personally I see no harm in single women living alone in separate apartments even if they have families living in the same country……

To me living alone means:

Independence
Freedom
And a separate identity away from dady’s and momy’s supervision and interference!!!

Life has no meaning when u r still living under ur family’s control even if u work and earn money….getting a sense of independence and being in charge of running your own house will enrich your life experience and will raise ur self esteem as a mature and independent woman who has equal rights and responsibility as men’s.

This idea is awkward in our conservative societies and impossible in most of the situations !!Both religion and culture are over-protective when it comes to anything related to women in a way that sickens me. So once you open your eyes u find a long list of taboo things waiting for u just becoz u r a woman!! Damn it!!!

To them, being a woman means that u must follow but not lead & must let others think, decide, and act for you coz they KNOW BETTER……..

Women are physically weak, mentally shallow-minded, and might get hurt becoz of men’s intentions so you must stay under your brother’s, husbands, or father’s control to PROTECT US!!!

I fed up of this crap and any woman must grab any chance to break the closed circle to free herself……

Why men can leave their family house and be independent while women can’t?

I’m waiting for an answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uffff…….i can’t wait for the day when I have my own apartment ALONE!!!!



31 comments:

Summer said...

Dear Arablady, i wish you move out of your family's home one day and have your own place to experience your independence and freedom. if you were my daughter, i would have approved of this right of yours. i believe it is your right to exercise your independence and freedom and i will not stop in your way just because you are a female. women have been asking for their basic rights and having their own place should be added to the list. i have few women friends that live alone and they have been doing it for the past few years and i can see how happy they are.
i gave the freedom for me my own kids to live alone since they were 17 years old even with the rest of the family living in the same town. i would not interfere with their private lives only if they come back to me for advice. they would always come home for a good meal and to wash their laundry, and they will do it alone without my help even if i offer it. they are 29, 25 and 22 now and i can see how living alone shaped their lives and made them responsible adults. only my youngest decided to move back home after living alone for almost two years just because this is how his personality is, he likes being pampered at home and he likes being taking care of and i love having him at home, he eases the empty nest syndrome on me and my husband. we are enjoying having him living at home, we welcome his friends over all the time for movie night, lunches or dinners..of course he loves getting his clothes washed and pressed and looking neat..i like it too and i am happy for my other kids that they chose to live the way they like...anyway..sorry for blabbing too much..but if you really want to live alone, i hope you can manage to convince your family to do so. good luck :)

ArabLady said...

Waw from day 1 I realized how lucky ur kids r……..i pray 2 God to bless u so u keep lightening their lives!!

Wish if mothers think the way u do….the protective way of parenting just produces stupid & shallow-minded personalities……u r kids r blessed coz they r living abroad…believe me life is totally different in the Arab World( esp 4 women)….when I have discussions with open-minded men (they claim that they r so!!!! Which is a BIG lie) …they keep on saying

BUT….i agree with u BUT the culture …BUT the religion…BUT our tradition

I am bored of their BUTZ !!!!

If the new generations which are supposed o be educated and enlightened give a dame to obstacles our ancestors put then wut a life do we have!!!!!!!!!

I don’t want to change the society ….to hell with wut ppl say I waana change or at least control my life………But…..ah

Summer thx 4 ur support

Ur ” blab blab” r valuables and mean a lot to me …….thx again

Allah ykhalilik sham3atik…….ya rab

***By the way have u ever read any book by Dr. Nawal al Sa’adawi????????????

Summer said...

i once attempted reading a book by Dr. Sa'adwai, the one she talks aboutg her experience when she was jailed at Sadat time..but i really never finished it. i watched an interview with her once on tv, i know of her and her ambitions to become the president of Egypt once, but i really do not support some of her thougths, regarding religion.anyhow, she is a good advocate for womens' rights and she talks against girls Khttan and trying to empower women in the arab world. now since you asked me about her, i think i will go do some research about her. thanks. I am glad i could be of support to you. but i am telling you, even if i raised my kids in the middle east, i would still support their decision in living alone or with a room mate, if they can afford it. like i said, i have lots of single friends who live alone in the middle east and they are happy and supported by their families..but they have started living alone after they turned 30 years old..you know, i guess it is more acceptable when you are older?? maybe!!

ArabLady said...

tant Summer :D lool

I’ve read her diary when she was in prison…. A very nice book

Believe her writing is very balanced …many hate her becoz of her interviews on TV…..but once u read her books I know u will change ur mind

I’ve read “women at point zero” veryyyyyyyyyy touching…it’s a real story……

There is another novel “Love in the Kingdom of Love”….read it once and didn’t understand the hidden point well I did but I duunno wasn’t so happy with wut I understood …should have read it twice at least!!!

There are plenty of good books that talk about how women were fully taking their rights before Islam and how the woman was giving her family name to her child!! Interesting eh….

What I could say is this woman is very knowledgeable and her father was Sheik …so she knows about the three religions better than any one

ArabLady, allow me to say, that I disagree with you.
Your view is that of many that see the cohabitation with their family as an overhead on them. When in fact it's a privilege. I don't fully agree with Summer either on allowing her kids to have their own place while she's in the same country with them.
Our years with our parental families are limited, it’s certainly not worth leaving them and going off on your own. What do you gain by doing this? Ability to come and go without being asked what you're doing? Is that it? Many families already don't ask. And provide for a huge margin of freedom for their children
Think of it this way, you have your own place, you live by yourself. Can you imagine how much of a burden that is on you financially? You need to pay rent, bills, maintain a steady income and so forth just to be able to sustain this stuff. Not to mention that you still need to buy everything from scratch. Remember that spoon and fork you had in your family's home? You wouldn't have those, The bed, the pots, the TV ... everything is gone. Not there, you have to do from scratch

We As Arabs are so lucky that our parents don't kick us out of the house by the age of 17. Not only that but rather insist on keeping us there to make sure all our needs met and there is no room for harm to come our way. So what do we give up in return? Yes we do give up some of our freedom in return, But it's definitely worth it

Didn't you hear what MEN say?
"احن الى خبز امي و قهوة امي و لمسة امي"
why would they say that if it wasn't really something?

I understand that not all people have a pleasant experience living with their families, especially after a certain age. But I swear, it's worth it. I lived on both sides of the fence and if you want my advice, be careful what you wish for. If I were you, I would continue to enjoy the warmth, security and stability of the parents house, until it's time to start a family. Not before, and certainly not to just go out and live aimlessly on my own

(please don't get upset with my view, and sorry for the lengthy comment)

PS: My words are not directed to you "Personally" or to women in general. It's for everyone. I don't really discriminate here. Male or Female, what I say above applies

Summer said...

Qwaider, I did not kick my kids out of the house at 17...they had to go to school and it was more convenient for them to live close to it, it made no sense that they drive daily over an hour just to get to class. Even after graduation they decided to stay out of the house and I had no problem with that..I have a good idea about how I raised my kids and we have a good relationship together. I trusted and still trust that they will make good choices and they act responsibly. Sometimes you are forced to have your kids away from you, not that I encouraged them to go but I did not stop in their way too. Nothing against your opinion, but I still think that Kul mamnou3, mar3'oub! That is why I think some arabs wish they can live away from their parents homes because of all the restrictions the parents , the family and the society puts on the individual, male or female. because they worry so much about “what will people say?” concept. It is costly to live alone and one maybe does not know how it is until they try. no harm in trying if they can. Finding a space to breath away from what might represent a burden in some cases in nice.
Sorry Arablady to have taken your comments...thanks for giving me the space!

Summer, the comment is not directed to your experience personally. I just happen to not agree with it.

Summer said...

Fine Qwaider!

ArabLady said...

Ya Mr.Qwaider,


First of all why would I be upset!
Its ur opinion and wut u believe in….differences enrich our thoughts and widen our horizons…so u could direct my attention to things I might not be aware of just becoz I see things in a different perspective. So ur thoughts r welcome nomatter wut as long as u respect others opinions and don’t demean them…

I believe that I will never know the value of things in my life unless I lose them or work hard to get them….will never realize the importance of the tv, bed, the spoon, and the fork as long as I know I am getting them for guaranteed

Another thing, physical closeness doesn’t guarantee healthy relationships….emotional attachment is wut matters ……being around them doesn’t mean that I’m happy and satisfied……I know any families living in the same house but never see each others face or each 1 is living in his/her own world ……..

After all it all depends on how u wanna shape ur life….whether u wanna keep on depending or go out to experience how tough the life is when u r alone…….


Anyways thx 4 dropping by

ArabLady said...

Summer,

Fine 3adi lots of ppl don’t agree with wut I believe in so

TAKE IT EASY ;)

Sho tabkha el yooooum!!!

clayfuture said...

Arablady.. you have my vote!

3anooda said...

ooohh another scandolous post. i love it

ArabLady said...

Lol @ 3anoooda

“scandolous post”..eh ;)

Hey gurl u can’t get away like this…yalla tell me wut do u think :P

CF: lol THX …I appreciate it !!!

Summer said...

thanks Arablady for your reply...no cooking today or later, i have cooked enough for a month in the past few days..its vacation time, from the kitchen!! take care

Al-Hajeji said...

asalamu alaykum...

Last month we have bought some land in Ajman (its next to sharajah). Inshah'Allah we are planning to build apartments on it and rent them out, so far the area is in a decent area, away from the centre so the area would be quite. All of the villas around the land belong to iraqis and palestinians (good people) and If you are serious then I'll let you know. Tell me, how much would you pay per year?

I have no idea which planet you come from, but trust me when I tell you, ALL decisions are made by women! From the outside (and specifically in the arab world) We "THINK" men are in control, but it's not true. Women run everything. And A Smart woman would get what she wants all the time (without resorting to any indecent activity although that's one other option)

Arab Lady, please take this advice to heart and just think about it. Your time with your family is so limited. Try to enjoy it and make the most of it. One day, you will be alone, and you will remember these words. You can be with everyone on EARTH and they'll not equal a single minute you spend with your parents.

I'm a man, and have been living on my own, yet when my father is around, I can finally feel that "It's not my responsibility" and for a little while enjoy being the son! instead of the independant man! Such an amazing feeling.
المثل بيقول: من راحو امه و ابو.. راحو الي يحبوه
No one will ever love you as much,unconditionally
Ya dallou3a ... seebek min hay el osas el farta... and stand next to your mother and learn to cook something

3anooda said...

hajeji - WTF?? relevance please!!!

3anooda said...

PS. Arab Lady, u been tagged by me. Yala get moving

ArabLady said...

Summer
u r w/c


Qwaider
I wannna shooooot u man “Women suck” eh…I will sue u 4 saying such a thing!!!!
Don’t think that I’m not keeping an eye on ur comments on other blogs!!! Kashaftak…
ba3deeen the cooking business is not 4 me :P …that’s why if u have a groom around u whoz a good cook plz let me know!!! Ship him to dubai plzzz!!!

Hajejji
What a gentleman!!! Uuufff ya Bakheeeeeel ….tayeb say I will rent it 4 free……and where in Ajman…oh just thinking of living there sickens me

3anooodaaaaa
lol …plz hun excuse me he is a man lool….dont u know that we have more fibers connecting the two halves of the brain!!!

Gurl plz without the tagging stuff ….my answers will be more rebellious and “scandalous”…and u don’t want me to get in trouble eh…do u ???????????

;)

arab woman said...

ohh finally u talked about this point , not only this right only for men [ for arab men [] many other things we cant do it coz of [ 3eeb and 7araaam ] ,
but i think as long as there are women like you and me ,, think by this way so i think one day we can do it ,
well if u intrest to know how i think through my experince then i will tell you ,, few years ago until now i stil fight to get this right , to live alone separate and independnt ,, first step i took was my job , yah ,, as i have my job my own money ,, then it's big step i did to get life i want ,, next step was my war to tell loud what i want to be , to live as i am real ,, not as ppl want me to be ..

ok it was so hard ,, yah big deal to catch my target ,, but finally i'm so close to get it ,,
sorry here i cant tell more details ,,but i would liek to tell youthat i'am arab women and yah finally i could do it ,, ofcorse the price was soo so expensive ,, i mean i gave a lot a lot to arrive here , i lost a lot also but my goal is more important than all what i lost ,, by the way throgh all that i was so carefull to avoid hurting any person in my family ,, yes i hope that i didnt hurt anyone , and if i did then it's the life , ic ant judge my self more , i cant live as ppl how want me to live ,,
if i will live the life others designed to me ,, then thanx i dont want to live ,

ArabLady said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
babe_uae said...

The woman can live alone with not issues in my mind if she is a chaste person who knows herself then there should be no issues at all.

I suppose it depends on the person

ArabLady said...

Dear babe_uae,

it depends on ur culture if it accepts women living alone....

it depends on how open-minded ur parents are......

it depends on the laws if they stand by women's rights.......

it depends on and on......

uae_babe

thx 4 coming again :)

babe_uae said...

I agree with you but again it goes down to the openess of the family, how much they trust their daughter - I think in fact I Know that most of the local families here in the UAE are rule by tradition rather than by Islam - What a shame, if only they would open their eyes just a little ..............

ArabLady said...

I guess we, as Arab expats, in this country enjoy some freedom than the poor local gurls who are forced 2 cover themselves in black from head 2 toe

But don’t get me wrong…I’m not against Abaya and shila (hejab/headscarf) but I’m against them when the girl herself doesn’t want 2 wear them and just forced to do that!!!

Believe me we r ruled by wut our relatives and neighbors say about us ….coz after all families wont accept their daughter 2 face them 4 the rest of her life without marriage ….remember they wanna protect our reputation …they know better that us…oppss sounds that u don’t know that women’s brains don’t function!!! So let them decide 4 us !!


yalaaaaaa lazy start posting plz on ur blog...deal

arab woman said...

lolol arab lady ,, i realy agree with you ,, yes all ppl around us they want to shape our life ,, our style ,
yah you are arab woman ,then u have to close ur mind open ur ears to others , and do what they want ,, and after all that YOU SHOULD FEEL HAPPY ,,

Shady said...

hey Arab Lady,

I was just surfing around different blogs and I just came across yours. First of all I would really like to tell you how great it is for an Arab Lady or female to have such ideas in life and thoughts and this strong passion and willing of doing a change in her life style or in her surroundings. It was quit impressive to go thru your blog and read about your different ideas. Even though I was quit impressed and agreed with so many things you said, when I came across this post about single Arab women living alone I have to say I disagreed with it. I'm a very liberal Arab man, I lived outside my country for years now, I travel a lot and saw a lot and please allow me to say that this post disturbed me a little bit. Any person around the world from any back ground, culture or religion has the right to be free and independent, and this is how you can after a certain time forum your personality as an individual. Every individual from any background again or culture when he is formulating his persona has to belong to a certain community or society that he will be identified as one of its members, he affects this society and they affect him as well. If you say that things like "This idea is awkward in our conservative societies and impossible in most of the situations!!Both religion and culture are over-protective when it comes to anything related to women in a way that sickens me." it means that you are disregarding your culture and religion, which will make you later on a different person from where you are actually from! With these words you are basically saying that you are not arab and you are not believing in this religion and it's such a bunch of crap! Which means again that you could belong to any other society that all around your blog trying to explain how bad they are in some things they do. I.e you could be American for example, American women are so free and independent like you wanna be, and Americans are the one who manufactured all the bombs that were dropped on Lebanon in this last war!
So who are you? An Arab or some other free westerner?
Being from a conservative religious community doesn't mean that your thoughts have to be restrained, anyone can be free in his/her mind, in their work, in their every day life in a certain frame that doesn't go against her/his community habits and heritage. You don't need to disown you heritage to be a free person! What's the difference that's going to happen if you live alone? I don't think a big one. I have so many things to talk about and to share about this topic but unfortunately I have to go now. Please feel free to send me or reply to my comment. I'm open for respectful discussions.

Al-Hajeji said...

it is in "al-zahra" region....it is just desert with a few villas at the moment, but hey, ajman is building up and its getting cleaner.

ArabLady said...

AL Hajeji,

i am not sure sure of the name..but i guess its "Al Zahra" coz i know some relatives who built a villa there ...its near Ajman City Center..


"ajman is building up and its getting cleaner."

i know dear i know but both Sharjah & Ajman need yrs 2 catch up with Dubai...

Stay around!

BTW did u get ur money back!!!

;)

I am studying abroad, and because of that I've been living alone for almost 4 years now. Living alone has its shadow sides (not having anybody to talk to when u need it, especially if it is late in the night and a bad time 4 calling by phone, to name only one). But still if i liked to have my own apartement somewhere near my family, like in the same house or at least in the same neighbourhood, so that I can b with them when I need them or they need me, and live my own life in the rest of the time (with my own life I mean things like having the liberty to choose my eating and sleeping times, the things I eat, the clothes I wear at home, wether to watch tv or to have a QUIET evening (impossible to choose if u have brothers or sisters :-)) and what film to watch, ect.)
Would this b possible?
Of course the answer is NO, the only thing I can dream to get is an own room.
And guess what? That is not because my parents are against it (or else I wouldn't be abroad alone, right?), but because the TRADITIONS are against women living alone.