28 October, 2006

Tonight is one of my worst nights…I cant sleep …I’m nervous…..i feel that my friend is choosing the wrong path….i’m worried about her ….she is falling in love with a married man!! He is local….i warned her many times to stay far away from him before falling in love..but its too late…He wants to marry her and meet her family!! Never thought that she would lose her mind!!

I don’t know what’s happened to her! ITs obviously brainwashing!
She is going nuts! She is just wasting other PERECT FAB opportunities ..she preferred the married man…ana I gave up really…

Heba “he is mahdoum, be3aed, “religious”, tayoub…..blab blah!”

So Wut! AFTER ALL he is married and has kids?

I sent her mgs after we talked tonight:

Me: @ 1:07 AM
“M shocked u r ….yrs thinking abt a mn who sold his wife “no matter how bad she is” n his family..love isn’t everything..look 4 a man who will be urs only mish sharing him wiz another woman..law kan (if he was) poor u wouldn’t think about him but u got impressed..dont u feel that u r sel3a (commodity) he wants 2 buy just coz Islam lets him marry 4”

2nd SMS @ 1:21 AM
“Nakadti 3alay 3anjad.can’t sleep! Tell him I wana meet him.u mean a lot 2 me this is ur future..i want to ask about his reputation & history bedi etaman 3aliki”

So she replied:
“Hiba 7ayati sure I ‘ll let u meet him he is in ksa now has a business trip…ma t5afi 3alay (don’t worry about me) hiba he is good u will c ennu (that) his is good wil tell u kil shi(will tell u everything)”

Better be a good man otherwise u will face some troubles with me!!!

I feel sorry for his poor wife? Believe it or not his wife called my friend to know whether or not my friend has a relation with her husband! The wife was like I fed up ,”,it’s the 1000th time …plz don’t get married ..all men are game players, disloyal….ect”.

I can feel that my friend is feeling guilty esp after she saw his two adorable kids and talked to his poor wife, but she is addicted to him!!! She just can’t quit talking to him!
The bastard has sent her VERY expensive gifts by DHL on EID!!

We are just stupid, never learn from others experience with men…

I just tried my best to explain how unethical what they are doing is? Just imagine that your husband is cheating on you? How would u feel? She knows the answer very well but I feel sorry for us? Too emotional, we accept to be toys played by them, how could I reach such a stage!! Its really disgusting!!

Being very rich and a big shot in the country, he thinks that he could buy or mess around with any woman and most importantly humiliate his wife and hurt her feelings!?!

What drives me crazy that the guy shows how religious he is!! He even tried to convince my friend to wear Hejab! He even sent Abayaz from Dubai to Lebanon!! And the crazy gets more and more impressed!

I really wish her all best …she is still young and deserves the best…I don’t want her to continue the play!! It’s a closed circle that has neither an ending nor a starting point…I’m thinking of talking to the guy or maybe talking to his family!! I just want him to leave her alone so she can continue her life with some peace of mind!!

90% of the married men in Dubai have secret affairs! No respect to the human being who said “yes I do agree to be his wife”, no respect to his family! Imagine that his wife is the one cheating on him!! What would happen? She would be bringing dishonor to him but his childish, irresponsible, unethical, disrespectful and sinful behaviors bring pride!!

If you are cheating on your wife and all of the sudden you discovered she is doing the same, what would you do? 100% of Arab men would say I would divorce her? Why should wifes forgive while cheating husbands get away with it??


I guess the problem lies in US females……I keep on hearing the same lame excuses
Women tend to forgive and let things pass peacefully coz
we get scared of getting divorced
we wanna protect the family! What the hell is this? He didn’t give a damn to his family then why should we care about “ the family”?

Wish if I could meet the man who could change my perception towards men in UAE & in our societies!

Believe it or not:
Before I get married I will let him sign a contract to secure my rights in case he thinks of messing around….don’t u see how Hollywood stars sign contracts b4 marriage stating the consequences of divorce!!

I will do the same!!
If Islam allows him to marry another three women
If culture forgives his sins……..
If his manhood allows him to cheat on me ………

Then lets the contract and the law protect my rights!!

I’m dying to meeeeeeeeeeeeet him!! Wana c who the hell he is….

For everybody who contributed to the last post thx, but sorry I am not concentrating I dunno who said wut …I’m confused nowadays …..couldn’t even reply to each and every one …but most of u had wonderful comments like Digital, Dina, Rebellious Arab Lady, to mention a few……


Ah guy zI will start a temp job in Nov inshalaaa….yalla I will try to get some sleeeeeeep….

Nitttttty

76 comments:

(Tealover) said...

The only way to make this "tragedy" stop is by convincing your friend , because he "the man" will never leave her alone unless if she stated it loud and clear to him that she is no longer interested .. if she is waiting for him to "dismiss" her , it will never happen , he sees her as a catch . being young and blindly in love with him ..
its true he could be facing problem with his wife , and it could be that his life is anything but happy with her , yet cheating on her cannot be the answer .. and as you stated all you'll care for is your friend , and I agree with you in everything you said , if he cheated on his first wife it very likely and possible that he'll cheat on her if she became the second for any lame reason .. and he may not , but there is always a chance !

I wish you all the luck in bringing back your friend to sanity ..

Feras othman said...

hello heba ,,

i think first of all u need to relax yes !, then set calm and thing without being so nervous cuz such temper would back confusion results on u .
what i see is
you are a very nice person that has deep feelings and u do take care of ur friends issues very well

second thing is what ever u do ..she gota take her decission by her own cuz she is the one who is responsible on its results

maybe he is a good guy and inte 3m tezlmee ya benti ?!!

i feelk sometimes eno law sa7elek ra7 tenfi el rjaal 3n wesh el ard :P
alah la y7akmek fena lol ;)

u wanna meet him mo 3'lat u may change ur opinion but remember at the end its her decision .

be fine my friend

Digital Nomad said...

This story is so damned familiar that its really sad. The men who do this always come round to saying this is not cheating because Islam allows four wives. Fine. But, if it weren't cheating, he would have been up front with his wife about it, and she wouldn't have had to call your friend to find out. I hope that one your friend isn't the one doing the calling, when he is up to no good with yet another woman.

And regarding the men who DO sign contracts saying they will never take another wife...well, that has been known to backfire, big time. The usual cop-out is: Well, you really have no right to take away my Islamic right, so this contract is really not valid.

This is our lot in life as women. Its been this way for our fore-mothers, our mothers, ourselves, and will probably be the same for our children and great-grandchildren. Sad but true. If it ever changes, I will be shocked and thrilled. Well, at least Allah does assure us hasanat for enduring such things.

Good luck to your friend.

Nash said...

Hope u had a good night sleep.

I can see that you care for your friend and trying to stop her being a second wife. I am sure she has seen something in him which makes him special in her eyes.

By meeting him, will not change a thing, the only person who can stop the marriage is the first wife, but I doubt if your friend will go back now. Unless something really drastic happens.

When a man takes a second wife, the first few months are really painful, but some get over it and decide to lead normal life. Others decide to leave.

Islam gives a choice to a woman if she decides to dissolve the marriage.

The problem is, especially nowadays most women would have put their own money into shared property, when this thing happens, they find it hard to stay, they also find it hard to leave, fear of losing everything.

All in all, this is happening much less nowadays, there is a lot of other things to worry about.

Mabrook on getting your new job.

Ella said...

" money cant buy my love" and the other was " my love dont cost a thing" .... ( dont u just love music :D )

She's obviously turned a blind eye to all this material things, and feels like it isnt a building factor into this relationship, but no offence or anything i think thats all bull. If i were put in the similar situation as you are in now, i'd probably be as confused scared and worried for my friend then she will EVER KNOW! By him DHL-ing her gifts for eid isnt that shwaya pushing it ( i wait for the day my PARENTS do that for me :P but i odnt see that happening anytime soon )... the whole abaya scene is cool too.. if he were any other man but himself. I mean what the hell.. who is he to tell her et7ajabi... '3a6ee ya mara, abe asterech... I DONT SEE NO RINGS ON THESE FINGERS! And even if their was ... lay out some ground rules babe make him respect you.. most of all respect himself AND HIS FAMILY !

I'm just totally against men who cheat - hate it.. hate them .. hate it all ! If their marriage isnt entertaining enough.. try something new to spike it up, make it more interesting - dont resort to easy way out - find another woman to enjoy his time with... psh please!

Lets think of the possiblity, WHAT IF HE IS A NICE PERSON.. does this justify it all? NO- his wife called ur friend -c'mon...la oo ba3ad, she was warning her of his ways. If he can cheat once he can do it again.. if he can cheat with you .. he can cheat with others AND THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU (because now u will be lawfully married, and marriage doesnt condone cheating - but hey THEY ALL DO IT ) !

Its hard when u've got all these cheating 2-timing fools around. regardless of gender. We all cheat, but why is it that when the tables are turned especially in the Gulf, the men can not handle it. Get a grip.. you'd be a fool if u think women dont cheat.

Abed. Hamdan said...

he is old, mature enough to fool a young girl !!

try to wake her up !!! even if you have to fight with her and lose her friendship!! NEVER validate or acknowledge here whatsoever; because she might blame you later for not stopping her!

even she will hate u now, but she will thank you later!

DG said...

Marriage is 100 times better than an extra-marital affair. If that man can give equal attention & do justice to both his wives, I don't see any problem with this marriage as long as the parents of the girl are involved to make sure the rights of their daughter are protected.

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (Quran 4:3)

babe_uae said...

You are so right I was in the same position as her for many years and now I know the hurt and pain I must have caused to that mans wife. He WILL NEVER marry her and if he does she will be the "hidden" one that nobody apart from his friends know about, it is a sad situation when girls fall into this trap, it seems that money is more important than love in this occasion. From personal experience I left the local who was powerfull and had money and married the man that I love so much (also a local) who has no money but a heart of gold who I love with all my heart body and soul and we have a relationship that is beyond words better than any amount of money could buy !

When I married him I made it clear that I was not playing and that at the first sign of infidelity it would be back to the court for a divorce, he was the one that placed a VERY high second payment on the contract and also made the condition that he would not take another wife unless I could not have children, well that is his chance out of the window, I just had a baby girl so there is no way.

Please tell her not to sell herself co cheap there is a man out there for her, that will devot his time and love to her and her only, they in time will find the love that she thinks she has now.

I feel so very sorry for her she will end up hurt and lonely.

u know what sucks... seeing ur friend blinded by love make the worst decision in her life and yet u are helpless!!! btw waht is up with married men?!?!? seriously this is not the first story i have heard abt a man loving some other women... even when he has a bnuch of kids and a loving WIFE!! is it just a matter of boredom? challenge? u know u can only give her advice but in the end she will do il fi raaaaas-ha and one day she will realize the conssequnces of her actions and she will come to u saying " u were right"... i just hope those girls SNAP out oF IT b4 its too late!

im goin thrugh the EXACT same situation with a friend of mine... sad but true..... iza jowze wants to yitzawaj 3alay or even thnks of cheatin on me.... ill leave him b4 he gets a chance to say " bamya" :P
:P

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Summer said...

Hope things work out for the best for your friend. On the comment section a lot others have stated their opinion about it and it is similar to mine..but i wish the best to your friend.
About meeting the guy, i think you should not. All you can do is advice your friend and stand by her side.
In Islam and according to my knowledge, the wife can ask for anything to be written in the marriage contract, including conditions if the husband at any point of their married life decided to take another wife, she can state that she will be divorced in this case..but i am not giving any Fatwa about this issue, i only heard it a long time ago and it stuck to my mind. Prenuptial agreements are not the invention of Hollywood. You might want to ask religious authorities about it to have your marriage contract written according to your liking.
By the way, good to read from you..you just take your time between posts and i miss your writing. Good luck with the new job..hope you will prove yourself and stay there for a long time thats if you like it!!

Polygamy did not come here to provide men with women. It is there to provide women with men incase of war and a shortage of men!

This man is cheating behind his wives back, emotionally. He is not a candidate that will be "equal and just" to his wives. And these days, few if none can be. So thus the polygamy factor does not apply.

If we are gonna quote quran and verse then let us quote this much... lower your damn gaze! A married man does not send gifts to a woman whom he is not mahram to. A married man does not speak on the phone or meet with a woman he is not mahram with in a romantic way.

Let us talk that kind of islam first before showing the verses of polygamy. I am sick and tired of men reading only that part of the quran which will suit their body parts.

Plygamy is for womens needs and rights being satisfied...not for men¨s!

Dubai Stud said...

real love is a powerful experience through which, in the constant yearning for the other, you can dissolve you own being. Many would claim that this is akin to any intense religious experience one might have, where similarly the ego is subdued.

perhaps we are mistaken in considering ourselves better informed and correct in the judgement we pronounce on other people's actions. Is it not possible that your friend's experience might be so intense and revealing that she cannot (and indeed does not want to) let go of it, despite the common sense arguments? Could it be that the experience is such that it is worth trading for pain that might ensue further down the road?

the only valid way to make a proper judgement would be if we were to undergo the passion of the intense feelings such as your friend is going through. We might even be doing a dis-service if our advice led your friend into suddunly giving up this intense, devotional, almost religious feeling of love she is experiencing.

Your job has been done in offering your advice on the repercussions of her actions. All you can do now is be there when she needs you. Some journeys cannot be made without taking the wrong path on occasions. And let us not make the mistake of misunderstang our concern for feelings of jealousy because she has had the courage to deviate from the straight and narrow path.

She will surive, and come out the stronger for it.

"Forcing another into performing the morally correct action is not always the best path. Rather, let a higher Force be the guide".
DubaiStud maximus 30.10.6

ArabLady said...

@ Dubai Stud

If wives can barely c their husbands how could she share him with another WOMAN….do u how to it feels to share ur love with another person!!
I have a meeting here, a business trip there, family & social commitments with parents & friends ..blab blah
And after all u tell she can stand sharing her man with another wife and 2 kids!!!! Since I know her very, I assure u that she will start losing weight from now!!

Listen maybe u don’t understand the psychology of woman ….they feel jealous of each other esp if she knows that she has a competitor!!!
How much did u spend on her....
This weekend spend it with me…ITS MY TURN…No honey my kidoo is a bit sick so I have stay there...
She is pregnant…shit I should get pregnant too!!! ……………blab blah

& why shall she start her life with a man who had enough of sex and fatherhood…etc! She is a PERFECT human being that any man on Earth would have the honor to be her husband…why should she be called & treated as THE SECOND WIFE!

Personally I want to be the first to give birth to his first kid, I want to be the first to have sex with him as a wife…I know that he might had a bright sexual history with every bitch in da country but at least I have the right to be the FIRST when its within the marriage frame


My second major concern is the attitude of rich Arab men… they think that they could marry anytime they want since Islam allows them to have a third and forth wife without any apparent reason!! The concept of marriage should be accompanied with respect and a sense of responsibility….woman are not shoes u replace/take off as u wish!!!! Its enough that he literally spelled it out: I have the right to marry more than one!! How could she be secure?

He was playing around behind his wife’s back and unfortunately things got serious!! How could a woman trust such aman!!! As Digital Niqabi has said, she will come back after 6 months checking his SENT messages & Dialled Numbers!! History repeats itself!

To me, marriage is more than love!!! Logic, Logic, and Logic must rule….one must study the issue FROM ALL PRESPECTIVES instead of repeating the same broken record I LOVE HIM …WE R IN LOVE….blabblah….its a decision that will set the lines for the rest of my life….

Another final point: I believe that any man who is not faithful to his first wife/ or his wife in general deserves to be burnt alive!!! Lets assume that he’s having probz with her…both of them should set and sort their probs out! Problems and conflicts exist in every single house nomatter wut! Otherwise u would c all men having more than a wife!!

I am just trying to make her c the WHOLE PICTURE coz she thinks shes gonna live in a paradise!…she is definitely mistaken !!! her brain is in deep comma…..she is blind and deaf …she is not aware of the potential consequences……..



"And let us not make the mistake of misunderstang our concern for feelings of jealousy because she has had the courage to deviate from the straight and narrow path."


Aren’t u pre-judgmental …anyhow merci!!!!

ArabLady said...

Tealover:

“The only way to make this "tragedy" stop is by convincing your friend”

Dana its too late ..she is STUBBORN I know her…she already made her mind…I feel that the more I argue with her, the more persistent she becomes!


Feras ya 7anon enta!!
Akh …

“””””””“you are a very nice person that has deep feelings and u do take care of ur friends issues very well”””””””””””””

‘3azah had 3ini 3inak :P


”””” feelk sometimes eno law sa7elek ra7 tenfi el rjaal 3n wesh el ard :P””””

ooopss how did u know!!!
”””””””alah la y7akmek fena lol ;)””””

keep ur fingers crossed!!!


“”””””maybe he is a good guy and inte 3m tezlmee ya benti ?!! “u wanna meet him mo 3'lat u may change ur opinion but remember at the end its her decision .””

was planning to convince him to leave her alone but now I just wanna make sure that my friend will be with the right man! And my opinion will never ever change wutsoever! Even if he is the best man on the planet….its not about how good or bad he is ….its the concept itself and the possible social& physiological sequences ………..


Shaykhspeara Sha'ira:

I looooooooooooove u now !!WELL SAID!!! Agree with u 100%
You know what.. a woman doesn’t need to be respected nor given her rights if she forgo and surrender willingly !!!

If She accepts to be a commodity f**k her let her live the life she chose!
NOWWWWW understand why Islam has some restrictions with regards to the role of women in politics!! They are brainless!!!!!!!!!!








Abed:
I agree with Dubai Sud…my role as her friend only entails advising her…many crazy ideas came to mind like talking to her father or even making some troubles 4 that bastard…I dunno wut to do …I gave up actually …I guess clarified the picture and I’ll be always there by her side at any rate!!!!


Nash:
“I am sure she has seen something in him which makes him special in her eyes.”
I’m afraid she is blind!!! Listen… back to the same point meeting a good chick doesn’t justify getting married to her & Visa versa!!!!!!!

“”When a man takes a second wife, the first few months are really painful””

I guess the painful life starts immediately after the honey moon, Nash. Actually, its painful 4 both wives not the man! He will have some choices at least if he gets bored with one he has the second!

Eric said...

Wow! I just found your blog and am quite intrigued and learning a lot. Thank you for being so candid about things.

DG said...

Well, if you women feel jealous about each other, we men also have the right to defend each other :p

S.S.: Take it easy. I think you did'nt read my first sentence well. I commented here because I felt the guy was being criticized unfairly. At least he has proposed for marriage instead of just using her as a timepass. Please read again what I wrote before quoting the verse from Quran:

Marriage is 100 times better than an extra-marital affair. If that man can give equal attention & do justice to both his wives, I don't see any problem with this marriage as long as the parents of the girl are involved to make sure the rights of their daughter are protected.

By the way, I fully agree with you. "Lower the gaze" is not an order just for men, women are also supposed to do the same. You cannot clap with a single hand. Go to any shopping mall here in the UAE, and see what is going on. I feel ashamed by the actions of our youth (both guys & girls). May Allah guide all of us to his right path.

If anyone felt offended by my previous comment, I am sorry.

babe_uae said...

Dubai Stud, Some of us have been there seen it and got the t shirt - its not a nice thing when that emotion you feel takes over and it becomes out of control - it is like a drug you just cannot stop until you get the help or you go cold turkey !!! It took me to get married and feel REAL love not infatuation with a married man to actually stop calling or sending a message to the man I was involved with. I know the pain and hurt that I caused and his first wife knew about me as did his children but now being in a marriage I cannot beleive that I did all of that to a person - a person who has given birth to his children, who has taken care of him, has devoted her life to him...... the guilt does not end.

She says this man is religious if so why is she not meeting his wife ? and the point about the gifts and the phone calls is so true,

what is it that makes your friend think she is so special - do she not think that when he has had enough of her - there will be another one ?

How would she feel in his wifes position ?

I think she needs to take a step back for a few days and really consider all of the factors.

It is such a sad situation when your friends dont listen to your advice and heed the warnings that you are giving.

Nash said...

Arab Lady,

Sorry, just to clarify, I meant painful for the first wife, and not the husband.

As for the second wife, she will suffer because some people from the husband community may not accept her, she will be left out on all main occasions, eids, weddings, invitations etc...

babe_uae said...

I so agree with you Nash - that is the case, mind you it is the same if she is the first wife and not local !!

WOW! Another explosive article! Amazing!
I feel sorry for your friend ... but i feel even more sorry for the kids of that SOB and his wife. True, there might be issues between the two. But cheating on his wife with a different younger woman ... is just low ... so low that I'm ashamed that me and him are both called men!
Look, not all men are like that. some can be pigs... but the majority are good hearted loving husbands, fathers, brothers ... but there will always be a bunch that will give us a bad name!
Tell your friend ... If his first time, and his first kids wern'te enough to keep him with the first one, what will keep him with her after he gets what he wants!!? She will be #2 always ...
Slap her for me ... she really needs someone to slap some sense into her brains ... and yes .. I mean slap her ... she needs it

ArabLady said...

Let me continue replying back !!!
Dg:
“”Marriage is 100 times better than an extra-marital affair. If that man can give equal attention & do justice to both his wives””

We would be ultra idealistic if we said that any husband is really DEVOTING ENOUGH time in the fast paced Dubai….i don’t want to generalize as I dunno where the rest live but I assure u that the social life in dubai is totally different from the rest of the Middle Eastern countries…..

Babe_UAE, could u help as u r living in UAE…do u agree with what said??


Ellaaaaaaa”
“'3a6ee ya mara, abe asterech”

Yup it’s the first thing he would do!!Ella, I agree with every single character u typed!! Wut if he is good & nice? Exactly So wut? that doesn’t justify the whole issue…
Listen I might digest it if hearing that a spinster, lonely or an old woman accepts to be a second wife! Although I still disagree to get married for sake of getting out of a certain situation ! but she is wonderful, young and many SINGLE guys are around who wanna her to be their wife! So why don’t give them a chance!

Babe_UAE
Welcome back!! I missed ur comments…. I really appreciate ur opinions and advices! So glade that ur marriage is going ok…Frankly speaking its so risky to marry a local man…the last thing I would ever think about! Anyaways its not the point here..i already told her wut u said..nothing worked out! So I guess its time to back off although SHE CLAIMS that my opinion is important!! Huh so funny!

Summer:
“””“agreements are not the invention of Hollywood””””

I just gave an example…we hear a lot in da media about how often Hollywood starts get divorced but both get away with a huge fortune!!!

Ah yeah true woman can state wutever she wants in the marriage contract its not something new…my cousin had written in the marriage conract that he wants his wife’s salary to go to his pocket!!!

Do u want more than that !!!!
She just wanted to get married b4 its too late …she was 27 at that time!!

If I were here, I would STAY SINGLE! It hurts to know that a man want to get married 2 u becoz of ur money or salary!!!

BTW hamdila 3a salama

clayfuture said...

Uh oh.. looks like I'm a late in commenting on this post! Anyways,

I think your friend is really stupid to even start this relationship. She's caught in his web and can't get out!

The guy is an asshole who uses money to attract women. He probably doesn't have any redeeming qualities.

To show that he's religious makes me sick. Doesn't he know what islam says about extra-marital affairs?

There are certain reasons where a guy may have more than 1 wife. Everyone takes this for granted that 4 wives are ok in islam. It is not ok. Personal pleasure is not a reason.

Lastly, I feel sorry for his wife and kids. It must be hell for her!

DG, sorry if you felt I bit your head off. That was not my intention. :)

But the fact of the matter remains...marriage, does not make his behaviour OK. So he marries here. Then what? He has two more to go. And the woman is responsible here as well. Don't get me wrong. I am not defending her actions either.If there were no women who would agree to become commodities and thus ruin the life of teh first wife (if she doesn't consent to it) then these issues would also not be able to live on as much as they do. But you as a man should not feel the need to defend a man who is clearly a no good person, just because he is a man. That is not fair or just. His actions show a huge crack in character and thus applying quranic verses to a man who doesnt abide by the basic ones is really not appropriate. 3arift keef? :)

And arab lady, the idea that muslim women are restricted in politics is wrong. That is attributed to one hadith that was taken out of context! Nothing in the quran limits women to become presidents or leaders. Nothing but men themselves. Hadhrat aisha lead men in war...Would that happen today? No.. why not? Because today men say we cannot. Who are they to tell us not to do what Aisha could do? We are compromising ourselves by believing we dont have the rights when God actually gave it all to us. And you are right, a lot of times, women ourselves are our biggest enemy.

Thirdly...it is explicitly in poor jahil uneducated areas a large number of people still marry several wives. In Mali, Senegal, poor areas of Pakistan, Palestine where there are hardly any men left, oh....and the rich Gulf..

Does that not say anything?

Ella said...

U have to consider her situation as well, she's infatuated by all of this, so obviously all the other men wont appeal to her taste buds at all ! Right now she's at a point where no body can pull her out of this but herself. The more u push that this isnt a good move, the more she'll push herself away from u and feel like that watever she tells u is taken negatively! why dont u give her some time to let all of this sink in...

good luck pending!

Feras othman said...

whats ur new post yallah !!}
what happened with ur friend
hope that u r fine

r u gonna finish the story for us ?

:) take care c u

ArabLady said...

Nash: ok got u now….again both wives will suffer : )

Qwaider:

Look who’s here!!! Lool I thought I will never ever c u here again since u had some issue with me :P

hala walla

U barely c a man commenting unless he wana defeat his fellows!!! They never admit that there is a serious problem in the relationship between women and men in our societies..!!

I’m thinking of organizing the ideas & arguments contributed by u guys…I’ll leave her in her illusion for awhile but as I said one day she will come back to me regretting her decision esp that she is still young…laman wa7da terda 3a 7alaha elet el 2ima wel ta3ab el nasfi lakan btistahal kol yali ra7 eseer fiha!!


Sha’ira:
“women ourselves are our biggest enemy”
it’s the most true statement I have ever read! I am amazed at how both share the same thoughts!!!

When I c women having such a mentality I get frustrated…in time we should support each other they just break ur wings so u couldn’t fly anymore…is it so sad Shaira! When facing similar attitude from SOME men its something expected and can be justified but from a WOMAN…its shocking!!

Mish wej hori7a w Hokok Hayawan 7ata!!! Esta’3fr allah-May God forgive me


“the idea that muslim women are restricted in politics is wrong”

Frankly, Muslims in our societies have been taught that woman can’t rule nor lead…I can’t recall the hadith ..if anybody does kindly refresh our memories…


ClayF:
”To show that he's religious makes me sick”
It sickens me too!
Isn’t a new smart way! Walla it works? Esp if u tell her that u read Quran, pray, and that u spent the last 10 days of Ramadan in the Mosque !!

Eh ..sounds he knows God very well…!

Ella I know and that’s wut I’m gonna do…

Dubai Stud said...

"..do u how to it feels to share ur love with another person!!"

" ….they feel jealous of each other esp if she knows that she has a competitor!!!

"…why should she be called & treated as THE SECOND WIFE!"

"...first to give birth to his first kid, I want to be the first to have sex with him as a wife…"

"The concept of marriage should be accompanied with respect and a sense of responsibility…"

"To me, marriage is more than love!!!"

arablady, I couldn't agree with you more - to put it bluntly, I believe there should be only one man and one wife in a marriage, full stop.

I understand your concern about this guy playing around behind his wife’s back and trusting such a man. Quite clearly if your friend was in a 'normal' frame of mind this would make perfect sense to her "...her brain is in deep comma….."). All I was trying to say was perhaps there are times when the emotional experience is so strong that even concerned have to sit on the side watching helplessly.

"Another final point: I believe that any man who is not faithful to his first wife/ or his wife in general deserves to be burnt alive!!!"

There may me some exceptional circumstances when it is so clear to both partners that things will never work out, that the best thing is to end the marriage.

As for the feelings of jealousy, I'm sorry it wasn't directed at you (maybe I was trying to provoke you...).

Do not quarrel with destiny, for even the most pious man may yet have the consequences of past actions waiting to inflict pain on him"
DubaiStud maximus 30.10.6.2

clayfuture said...

Agree with ella on this. If you push her too much it will work against you! I guess she should realize this on her own before it's too late!

Are you kidding? I love your blog ... I would never stay away from it !! Regardless of whatever things that we may disagree on

Dubai Stud said...

babe_uae, maybe some things are meant to be, like having infatuation with a married man, and apart from divine intervention all our best efforts will not prevent somebody from going through the pain and turmoil of misplaced 'love'.

But I also believe we have to learn move on, and the feeling of guilt has to come to an end.

"Broken hearts cannot be mended, take care you do not break anybody's."
DubaiStud maximus 30.10.6.3

Sex and Dubai said...

This post is disturbing and upsetting because we see this same exact cycle in motion constantly...and we all know the ending.

She will get married to him and after he has won this challenge, he'll just move on to the next.

In either case, its a loose-loose situation but your job as a friend is done, you gave her your advice and thats the best you can do. Just be there to help pick her up when she gets thrown off the bed of roses she is currently sleeping on.

babe_uae said...

I actually dont agree, my marriage is made stronger by being here, my hubby is home all through the week and is very attentive, yes we have our own lives but we still make that quality time for each other - sadly other marriages lack that and they feel that the "outings" with friends is more important that quality time with the person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

Sometimes we get in the car and drive just the 2 of us away from the kids take a coffee from the Coffee shop and talk - the smallest of things mean the most when you devote time and effort to the marriage.

It depends on how devoted you are to each other, Hubby has his time with friends at the weekend and I have quality time with the children. Vice versa also applies if I want to go out with friends I can do but I respect my husbands wishes that he doesnt want me out in the early hours of the morning.

I am more than happy to tell you more about the relationship that I had in order to help your friend but I am not sure that it will help. It may just fall on deaf ears all you can do is stand by her and support her beleive me she will need all the support she can get and when and if (inshaAllah no) it all goes wrong you will be there.

Dubai Stud, thanks for your words I do agree on divine intervention or Naseeb, guilt is something that heals with time.

uae alias said...

awwww I'm so sorry that you feel that way, I've been in your shoe once also with a friend of mine... What I learned was Exactly this:
No matter what you do it will happen unless she decided that she don't love him anymore (which will need a PI to search his old dirty history)otherwise she will not be comfortable to talk to you or to complain about him infront of you in the future... Relax she knows now that it's not ok with you, but you stay calm so she can count on you.and honey as I always say men are scum (he is religious ha?!)

Dubai Stud said...

"I always say men are scum"

uae alias, you need help. Even grade one students understand it is foolish to tarnish the whole with the same brush, just because some are tainted. Sure there are plenty of men (as well as women) who could be regarded as 'scum', to use your language.

But the issue of interest is what causes these 'scums' to surface in society in the first place. Just as in the hot water kettle there will be more scum formed in areas of hard water, so in society there will be more scum if society itself is infected with 'scum tolerating' sentiments. For example, if the police are willing to take bribes, or or the media is allowed to portray women as a commodity, then surely this is bound to lead to scum?

On a more contentious point, I do believe all of us (posssibly more so women) also have some responsibility in the way we dress and project ourselves. I may be wrong.

"It is far better to peek under own bed and dispose of these hidden but real demons, rather than making sweeping statements to lull ourselves into a false sense of superiority."
DubaiStud maximus 31.10.6.1

Ella said...

no dubai stud.. ur right.. we are responsible for the way we dress and project ourselves, because c'mon lets face it - were human .. we judge people as soon as we see them. So its only natural to see a person dressed as a slag out on the road to nominate her as one. Its an automated effect that we cant control.
So if by the way i carry myself i dont respect myself, then obviously ur first impression would be anything like( i am dressed like ) ...

so no ur not wrong :)

localexpat said...

Just started a new blog I think people will enjoy it. Have a look and tell me what you think

http://localexpatriate.blogspot.com/\

by the way I love your blog.. And I am glad to see there is at least a few people in dubai who use their brain.

ArabLady said...

@ Dubai Stud

Well personally I don’t blame UAE Alias…we have seen many bad examples in our life (still seeing BTW) ..Maybe UA & I need a therapist!!

Listen I met some highly educated successful guys who lived or studied in the west but guess what…

He thinks the same way ur and my grandpa do!!
Same dilemma…I wanna be the man and u r the woman, I talk and u listen!



Ella, the dress code and how far we should judge others based on how they dress are somehow controversial!!

I believe that each one is free to wear and dress the way they want without being afraid of others perception…if a woman wanna cover up or dress down it’s a personal choice..and why shall I categorize them in the first place !
Look she is exposing her body/wearing tight clothes blab blab ..then she is a BITCH!

I hate this attitude..! as long as the person is happy and satisfied with what she/he is then its none of my business….lets accept ppl as they are without labeling and categorizing them…

Local Expat
Nice blog u have…thx 4 ur visit and I’ll be adding u to my blogroll….


Eric
Was intending to write a comment 4 u but I dunno how far u r interested to know about our culture esp when it comes 2 Arab women in our societies…..

Honestly I don’t have European friends so my understanding 4 the mentality of the European man might not be that great…but frankly speaking my perception and attitude towards the Western man are much much much better than the way I look at the man in our culture!!!! I have argued with many men with regard to this point!

Anyhow Eric…hope it wont be ur last visit…thx 4 passing by…

Eric said...

I'm just enjoying the dialogue. I can't really comment, but am interested in learning along the way. I found your blog via one of our community members, DubaiDailyPhoto, who then linked to the UAE blog, and voila...there you were. I'm not one to be able to make any broad statements, so I'll check in from time to time to see what's happening, maybe drop a note or two, but again, mostly just learning as the world gets smaller with the www.

ArabLady said...

As u wish Eric..

By the way I’m not a good example to learn from…I’m just voicing my thoughts with regards to what is happening to/with us.

I know that many females think as I do but we r just swimming against the stream being the black sheep!
BUT M.Ghandi said BE THE CHANGE U WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD!
So yes WE will be THE CHANGE!
Happy that u liked the discussion but hope to hear ur opinion someday!

Cheers

babe_uae said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
babe_uae said...

I have to ask you sweetie what is the music that comes on ? I love it and want to download it .................

clayfuture said...

@babe_uae.. it says Hurt by Christina Aguilera

babe_uae said...

Thanks a million for that CLAYFUTURE I was logging in from home and I couldnt see the play box xxxx

Ella said...

Good choice of song/video babe !
im going to her concert in about 3 weeks and i cant wait its gonna be a very intense concert :S

babe_uae said...

It is a great albulm I bought it yesterday !!!

Any news on your friend ? Was thinking about her today a friend of mine called, a real blast from the past - and it all came rushing back ........................

ArabLady said...

Ella I cried 4 about half an hour when I heard the song for the first time…believe it or not I was depressed for 2 days..and heard the song a zillion times …I hate Cristinaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…she breaks my heart into little tinyyyyyyyyyyyy pieces whenever I listen 2 her song…………I envy u gurl …wish if I could attend the concert with u ..yalla enjoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooy

Uae_babe
ask about me ((((((((((((((((((
at least he loves her or shows her how much he is interested in her not like some other ppll

“u r like me sis” :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ahhhhhh…..she is ok he wanna divorce his wife.. I think she is the one who convinced me :S

Missing u all...just pray 4 meeeeeeeee

All Seeing Eye said...

Hello Arablady. Not leaving a comment doesn't mean i'm not reading all what u write.
Take care.

babe_uae said...

Arab lady,

Sorry huni - how are you ? whats news ?

You were not the only one crying over the song !!

bassel said...

well...it's a long post indeed....

something tells me that if she thinks he's "religious" then he'll do the right thing!!!!

all you can do honey is give advice without the agony and sleeplessness......

but sure it's dreadfull..as locals have a bad reputation in favoring -u7mmm- sex with foriegn girls, try to talk to him....

Anonymous said...

wooww, Iam so glad reading your posts arab lady and reading posts of the others
really so so glad

Iam Bettina from Argentina, muslimah and happy to know you

Feras othman said...

just wanna ask why no comments section on the last post !!? and where are you, are u ok what da broken heart thing .!!
are u ok ??
cheer up w eb2e tmneene 3nek aslan i miss ur comments at my blog :)

Digital Nomad said...

Arab Lady, you are seriously being missed! Why the broken heart? Inshallah you are ok! Will inshallah pray for you that only good things come your way.

babe_uae said...

Where are you ? Its been too long !!

ArabLady said...

Hey guys…thx 4 those who asked about me….i really miss u ….although I duuno anyone of u in real life but I dunno I do care about u guys…I don’t feel like blogging…feel I have nothing to talk about …I guess my thoughts will be negative at this stage of my life…I pass by some of ur blogs but couldn’t drop a comment..i dunno why…but I do know from reading ur posts that u r doing well


Anyways I say Hi to

Jomana, summer, clay, 3anoda, 3adel, abed, karima from spain, SS, the caller, arab woman, all seeying eyes, digital, danah, dina, feras, MD, ella, babe_uae, nash, meo,Qwaider, uae_alias(will kill u if u decide 2 quit blogggggggggging, I read all ur post gurl :@), Sabra, dg, Mise, dubai_stud , stained, bettina, and everrrrrrrrry including the silent readers ;)

U guys take care ….u got my e-mail address so drop me a line from time to tome to just say Hi ..walla it will draw a smile on my face …..in case things get better in life, I will resume blogging….u never know…hope I left a mark and expressed a fraction of wut some arab females go thru…………at least I stood up for my beliefs and thoughts and I will never ever regret any of things I have said …

Love u all…

Arab Lady

Dubai Stud said...

arablady, hope you are doing well. On the blogging question, do what you feel is right for you at this moment, be it a break, fewer posts, or even closure. As for me, I have enjoyed taking part in some of the discussion during the short time I have been visiting. And you certainly have left a mark in speaking out about issues relating to arab women.

"..I will never ever regret any of things I have said …"

In my experience one's outlook and views can change over time, it is possible that you might no longer agree with some things you have said now...

I hope things get better in life for you, soon.

Summer said...

I do not have your email address! but wanted to say hope things work out for the best, take care and think positive, life is good!

Destitute Rebel said...

Great Blog I just discovered it, will keep comming back. You talk about issues that have long been neglected, especially in our part of the world. Women need to stand up for their rights. The law protects them they need to protect themselves.

(Tealover) said...

Hey ArabLady .. so .. what happened to your friend .. has she got her thoughts gathered and knew she is doing a mistake ?
all the best for you :)

clayfuture said...

I think arablady is busy working on the next topic of discussion that will cause a flood of comments!! :D

Shiva said...

hmmmm

MD said...

Oh no...Lord help her. I've heard so many such stories. And in one case, the guy turned out to be a rich local's DRIVER and the rich guy used to give him some of his used expensive things which he used to impress the girl with. This is such an obvious trap.

I hope loneliness doesn't make her choose the wrong thing. It's better to be single than to spend nights crying and losing your respect to a fraud.

Summer said...

Hiba..how is that new job going? and i am sick and tired of seeing this post to greet me on yoru blog..yalla, blog some happy thoughts and take care of yourself!

arablady why havent u posted in a while hope all is ok!! :)

Hanan said...

Hi Long time no post?!
Thanks for passing by my blog ^_^

ArabLady said...

Danyaaaaah!!

the story is coming to end so soon!!

IAM HAAAAAAAAPY!

Anonymous said...

mmmmm, I´d love to have a friend like you, protecting me like you do with your friend.

so so so nice the way that you are with your friend.....I miss that in my life

let us know what happened with your friend , if she married the arab guy or not ....let me tell you that this situation is better than what does happen here in the west, married men have lovers that will never reach wives status, at least there, women can be wives, and not hide lovers like here, Iam muslim, and some muslim men here in Argentina, taking advantage of Islam they want to have more than one wife, although it is not allowed by our laws. Anyway it is something unthinkable for us here.
But think of that......there, the second or the thirth can reach wife´s status.......here just a hidding lover ......mmmm so so so sad.... for the wife...and so so sad for the lover, because this kind of men never will abandon their wives, and the lovers never will be their wives.

Bettina from Argentina

tcdrtw said...

Great blog! I am enjoying it. I think I will learn alot. Speaking of learning, could you explain something about Islam. How do you know the difference between cheating and taking the 4 wives that it's ok to have by the Quran? I mean, if plural marriage is allowed, then is it really cheating? Or maybe you disagree with plural marriage and as a result call it cheating?

That situation would concern me as well! I hope you can talk some sense into your friend!

ArabLady said...

Bettina

I really thank you for ur sweet words.. True friends meant to be there when needed!
…this story uncovered many issues such as

-Sincerity and respect BTW married couples
-The attitude of “ I CAN GET ANY CHICK ANYTIME ANYWHERE” just becoz I am better off…women r not a piece of furniture….MEN must value the concept of marriage and stop messing around….

If men could do so u wouldn’t c men cheating on their wives and having secret lovers in Argentina and everywhere around the world….MEN R MEN irrespective of race or geographical location …but I really blame the women in the first place who agrees to be cheap and have a secret affair with a married man! Why the hell women do that to each other!! BTW the second wife will REMAIN SECOND…..
Thx 4 coming from time time…ur comments and contribution make me happy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Babe_UAE & Danaaaaaah

Well my ladiesssssssssssss

I guess I can say they broke up …she is desperate and feel like wanna take revenge from all men on Earth …but really they are not worth it!! I just ask God to heal her pain and give her strength to FORGET HIM…I just told her that by going thru that experience u should have learned something ….if he can’t stand up for his choice & fight the whole world just to be with u, he absolutely doesn’t deserve u !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Special good morning to Sabra, KArimaa & Digital Rebel ….Twinpoz I’m fine :D…
DG I loved the card..THX…digital Niqabi mwaaaaaaaaaaah….and to every body passes by
BTW Shiva…wut shall I understand from hhhhmmmmmmmmm!

clayfuture said...

Happy ending!

TwinTopaz said...

ahem...i am expecting a reply..

ArabLady said...

tcdrtw

Cheating is when u betray ur wife and go play around by having secret affairs…

Listen, Islam allows taking more than wife but under strict conditions & rational convincing excuses …. He must be fair to his wives otherwise he should not take more than one.
Period!

Listen, u might misunderstand Islam through the behaviors of those who call themselves MUSLIMS, but in reality they have nothing to do with religion!

Islam doesn’t demean Women but some men misinterpret Islam!

Check out the following link…read the first ph
http://www.twf.org/Library/Polygamy.html

Thx 4 visiting my blog & BTW this blog doesn’t necessarily represent the thoughts/beliefs/values of ARAB MUSLIM WOMEN…it just represent the convictions of a young rebellious Arab female living in a male-dominated culture!!

Twin pose…ok ok I’M SORRY ….check out ur inbox tonight…sorry 4 the delay!

CF yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I am so happy although I didn’t show her how glade I’m! …but el7amdulihaaaaaaaa :)

Anonymous said...

I might be harsh a little, but how can you be so sure that "Islam allows taking more than wife but under strict conditions & rational convincing excuses" or maybe that what you wish islam is!

Read history and fatwa from most scholars you will find notthing to support this argument. In fact majority of sa7aba did have several wives.

We can wish manythings but Islam is what Islam is not what we wish. For example, I can not use my name when writing such an opinion because I simply want to keep my head on my neck :). And why it is dangerous, because islam punishes those who question its authenticity or suitability by death. Especially if they were born as muslims and considered a convert.

I do not expect you to agree with me, and if you do please do not openly. I live outside the islamic world, and I keep my anonymity because I visit from time to time. So you should be careful in expressing your opinion, but at least stop defending the non-defendable.

I stumbled upon your blog. MashAllah!

How sad for your friend. Wallah. She is brainwashed. And the dumbass dude is getting what he wants.

Your friend is lucky to have you.

Believe me, there is nothing you can do to stop her. She is hooked.

Saadna said...

Again; very interesting post. I HATE casanovas too! I didn't believe that SO MANY married Dubai men were like that..

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