My Sister & I

30 March, 2006

My sister has been sending SMS to me since yesterday morning! So far I haven’t replied and will never ever reply back…she is trying to cool me down and get things back to the normal mode…but I promised not to talk to her any more….don’t want sisters any more….oh shit how come that I say that ,,,I love her but I am mad at her!!!!

I might send her a msg telling her just forget this num and forget that u have a sister,,,,,I even thought about changing my number….(oh at least to rest from my mom’s calls whenever I go out!!!!!!!!!!)

I expected her to stand by my side when I needed her support in order to do my internship abroad….she let me down..i will never ever forget that!!!

Today morning the ppl in Dubai called me but I was sleeping,,, I ignored their call and didn’t pick up the phone……..wut shall I tell them? Sorry I was playing with u guys…since my family was playing and fooling me too !!!!!!!!

I passed three stages of their recruitment process then I tell those sorry guys I was just having fun!!!!!

Just thinking of a white lie in order not to embarrass myself in front of them when I call them back!! I hate to lie but no alternative…..i can’t tell them I had a fight with my family over the period of the internship…….i’ll just appear so silly ,,a girl that can’t decide or have control over her life,,,,,,,,,,,well propably my mom felt that once I leave I will never come back to the UAE!!!! Well ya she was right!

Just wana tell u my sister that u let me down,,,,u were more than a sister….used to trust and love u more than my mom,,,,but that’s it ,,,u r on my black list now!!!!!!!!!!!


hannibal said...

you'll forgive her...

most important thing is Family.


all the best in your internship struggles...

keep on blogging though

ArabLady said...

of course i will especially that i have only one sister but want her to feel miserable and guilty little bit :)

this internishp where was it going to be?

well somtimes we want something and we cant do it, we just have to accept our fate .. inshallah wether in UAE or abroad you will get whats best for you :)

ArabLady said...

first of all thx 4 passing and dropping a line,,,,i really like ur blog...
with regard to the internship...their network includes 92 countries worldwide,,,,so i picked 3o countries only and the matching procedure takes time untill i know where i will be going to ,,,,but khalas lost that chance becoz of the silly tradition that fears sending a girl alone abraod :(

any way thx 4 u sweet wished dear

wish u the same taba3an :)

MD said...

hala ArabLady,

this feeling of 'betrayal' is only too familiar. i know how embarassing it is to turn to the employer and say "i am saying no to this brilliant opportunity because my family doesnt share my dream."

when i was in school, i was promised that my family would send me to UK for my university. that's what i had in mind all years and i studied hard and out of 7 subjects, i had 6As and 1B. in my last year of school, just before my finals...i told them over dinner-table that i chose XYZ university and all that. and instead of a positive reaction, they all just kept silent. and i was told 'how could u even think that u would go to the UK' and i just felt so betrayed. my final grades were mostly Cs. i couldnt care.

but all these yrs later, slowly things fall back in place. i share a lot of thoughts u have. our lives are somewhat parallel; trying to find an identity and there are just too many strings attached to do anything.

i know u read that post on my blog and probably comments on balushi's blog that make u think i'm some ignorant fool. but oh well :))

you're not alone, ArabLady. there are so many like us.

oh and btw, i dont dye my hair when im upset. i go for a haircut or shampoo/blowdry lolll...that's such a girlie confession that i would usually not make public :P

ArabLady said...

You can’t imagine how one would feel when communicating with ppl who share him/her the same pain (if u wann call it like that) ;)

While reading every single word I felt that u were talking about me…same story …exactly the same story…in high school I killed my self to get a high grad so I can convince my parents to send my to study abroad…I studied day and night…in the final month I used to sleep 2 or 3 hours,,,,started to lose my mind…took 3 or 4 pills to sleep but that didn’t work……but guess wut I studied here !!!

Was stupid to think that my dad would spend hundred of thousand on his daughter!!!!!

In the first yr of the uni I used to get As and used to be on the deans list…now I am getiing Bz and B-z ,,,coz who cares….couldn’t be more careless…they don’t know that they are implanting depression and hatred towards ourselves, them and their attitude…..

I figured out that the more education we get, the serve the suffering is……coz u can’t find any thing in common between yourself and them………….

They want us to be ordinary but they don’t know that the sky is our the limit !!!!!!!!!

MD said...

true. especially the part where u said "more education we get, the serve the suffering is……coz u can’t find any thing in common between yourself and them.

but u know, now i learn to see them as individuals. i rebelled and got my way through at times. now i see my own flaws too. there's always wrong in both the sides: we only tend to see ONE side (which is them) but the truth is, our own behaviour is wrong somewhere too and usually we can never see it ourselves.

i know one day u will find ur place with all ur perserverance. i know i have. it took me quite a long time. there is no timeframe to all of this. i can't say that it took me 10 yrs so it's going to take u the same. time means nothing. time is only man's invention.

i hope things move faster but i know the day ur puzzle gets completed, it will all be worth it. inshallah :)

TwinTopaz said...

i wish u all migrate to Pakistan where(Yes after all the negative publicity it get) muslim girls ARE allowed to study abroad alone(although preferred to live with a family member if availble)

ArabLady said...

Dear I am willing to migrate to hell just to breath freely,,but afraid to go there to find the same faces again!!!
Sometimes I asked God if he created me a female in an Arab country to test my faith in him or just to torture me!!!

ArabLady said...

hey twin i'm trying to visit ur blog but i couldn't is there any technical problems or anything!!!!!

TwinTopaz said...

actually i do not maintian a kind of introvert person.

ArabLady said...

are u kidding me or wut !!!!!!

TwinTopaz said...

hain??? i am serious..

i am only good at reading other's blog and leaving one liner comments..

and plz get the hell out of this depression mode..phlezzz

ArabLady said...

:) i will...i willlllllll....i promise u and myself... i know that i am strong enough to "get the heel out of this depression mode"