In Deep Shit

25 February, 2007

It sounds that I want to live in my own world with my own rules & it won’t work that way…my dreams of having a perfect Job & an excellent Salary ..etc were just dreams and I do have to live as a normal person who accepts what life gives her without seeking more …yesterday I received an e-mail seeking ass holes to work with them in the event management & entertainment arena…the financial benefits made me give the issue a second thought! Why not! 2 or 3 yrs and then that’s it! Plz Allah Strength my Faith in You!! My boss asked my to stay till next week so I can train the new candidate who will take my place…I dunno if I made the right choice by leaving my job! What I know that this year will be a tough one!


localexpat said...

"I’m the one in jeans plz don’t be scared!"

why? maashaalah you look hot ;p

noora said...

Nice to c AUS again, it was my home for 5 years :) *Sigh* I miss AUS too!

Destitute Rebel said...

At some time in our lives we all come to a point where we'r not sure what we need to be doing, at times like these our dreams keep us going forward, dont lose hope and continue on the path towards your dreams and you'll be fine. Good luck.

clayfuture said...

Don't give up so easily. Life's tough! It took me 4 yrs to stand up straight on my own two feet. I struggled and hated it! Now I'm enjoying my life. There are ups and downs but not like before. You will get through it, but don't throw in the towel! Otherwise you will always regret this phase of your life.

Oh and btw.. u a hottie! coffee? ;)

Imaan On Ice said...

dear arab lady,

you've read my blog a long time ago so you might remember me, swedish Imaan who used to live in Gaza. I really feel sorry that you don't like the culture in which you are living. And I don't have any problem what so ever to understand why. Let's not get all into that in a comment... but I am so sorry for all the stupid (yes) arab men (and women too otherwise it wouldn't go on) who have interpreted (is that how u spell it) their rights from God all wrong. Maybe if u lived in a non arab country (as I do) you would be more free to lead the life you want, free from sick cultures and sick behaviour.
And please don't kidd yourself about the "pretty woman" letter. Being a "pretty woman" is anything but pretty.

LOVE //Imaan

Imaan On Ice said...

Oh and soooo beautiful photos by the way. //Imaan

moe said...

arab lady.

you look great in jeans
beautiful lines
...good style

Gosh.. I am so disappointed.. I thought you were the one in your profile pic.. I was gonna ask mom to visit.. Gosh...

Lol.. just kidding...

You don't scare me... I am scare-proof.. lol..


You dropped a bomb in your next article and ran away!


By the way, I wouldn't have guessed that you look like that. Now I know why you have issues, it's not because you're a woman or Islam or anything ...

DG said...

Salam alaykom arab lady,

I was really shocked after reading that you consider Islam as a source of all your problems. But I insist that being away from Islam is maybe the main reason. Why?

Let me explain. Our ancestors, if they had not faced any problem for a couple of days, they thought that maybe Allah was angry from them. For them, getting problems was a sign that Allah loves them & is testing them so that He can reward them for their patience. You see, this life is a temporary phase & a test, the real life starts after death.

Now, our educational institutes & our society insists that the more money you have & the easier life you have, the more succesful & happy you are. They also indirectly brain wash us that this life is everything, there is no life after death. This leads to what for most Muslim youth?

Something called depression which you are going through now & which most of us go throgh at one time or another in our lives.

Now decide yourself, which view about life is more convincing? The Islamic one or the Western? Whichever view you choose, no one can deny that we have to die one day. Now when will that day come? No one knows.

I agree with you that most muslims are bad, but does that mean we have to blame Islam? I don't think so, because Islam is not a source of problems, rather it has solutions for all our problems. Don't just believe what you hear or see about islam. Rather, study Islam yourself in depth & then try to remove misconceptions in the minds of people.

Change never happens overnight, it needs time & patience. And I think, we the new generation have a great chance to reverse the moral decline of our past generations. How can we achieve that? Throught actions, through mouliding our lives & personalities the way our Lord wants us to. I always say, neither liberals, nor hardliners represent Islam because Islam is a religion of moderation. And we definitely need more of our moderates to come forward & have our voice heard.

Have you ever met a new Muslim? I would suggest that you meet one, preferably from a Western country, to realize the true value of Islam, something we born muslims take for granted. They will better explain to you how Islam had filled the spiritual void in their lives

If you felt offended by anything I said, I am extremely sorry. Just wanted you to see things from a different angle. May Allah give you patience & courage to solve your problems.

Stained said...

okay...commenting here coz the comment option is not available in your new post..
I agree completely with what dg has to say...
Islam has never been the may seem hard but we are here not for this life but for what we will recieve after we are dead....
the beauty, happiness of this world is temprorary...& is not worth it...
yes there are many bad Muslims but Islam never provided the guidelines to those Muslims to do what they do to categorise them as bad....this world is full of evil, none created by Islam....
life may suck for you but it is not created by Islam but by the people around you..just coz they are Muslims you cannot blame Islam for it...
That post of yours really disturbed me & i'd wish you'd think of what you posted coz I dotn agree at all...

noora said...

Arab Lady, Peace be upon u first.
U say that "Muslims are close-minded and they exercise all sorts of emotional and physical Terror. I can’t belong to them and I do want to belong to them any more…"

you speak of terror but then you attack them. If you dont believe in any of it..YOUR CHOICE...but the way to justify is not to attack, and hurt the rest. What is not your cup of coffee ..IS the cup of coffee for DONT spill it on them like that and walk away..

"Lakum deenakum wa-liya deen" Islam again has the answer to who ever does not want it.

May Allah guide us all.

Arab Lady, I must say your last post was shocking.
It's clear that you are conflicted about the stance of Islam with regards to women, sexuality and equality.
I think the problem here is that you are mixing two things, Islam and culture. Both are two different things as you know.
Our culture seems to dictate the social norms for women more than men. It often puts the blame on the woman and I guess that is what bothers you. Let me remind you it is the culture.
Honour killing is not allowed in Islam, in case of adultary, you need four witnesses at the time of the act. Men and women get the same kind of justice.
I think this is just a phase for you, you are still finding your feet and one day you will know where you stand. You clearly have been dissapointed. I don't know if this will make you feel better, but most women in the west are not treated better . Superficially they may seem to live a better life, but they are used as a tool and they are paying the price for thier quest of equality everydayd. Believe me.
Hope your heart heals and that you get the peace of mind that you need most.

localexpat said...

hey ,

i lost your email address, could you just send me an email( actually just a blank one)... cheers ;-)

Imaan On Ice said...

Hello, I'm the new muslim from West that you need :-)

Seriously, I'm of course sad that you feel that way about muslims and islam. However I feel that even if I spent half an hour here explaining the beautiful things about islam, that is not what you need right now.

You need to know that there are many muslim woman like you, with hidjab or not, who feel that too many men have for too long time interpreted islam too wrong. Even us who love our abaya and hidjab feel what you feel. And anyway, islam is not only about clothes, is it.

The islam Allah gave us is what you begged for in your earlier post when you said "strenghten my faith in you". You need only to read Allahs 99 names to know that he can give you all what you begged for. What you should write is "I hate men" (sorry guys) and possibly "I hate women who raise men like that".

This is not a question only of arab culture (it's a global problem unfortunately), but in your case it of course is a question of arab culture. I've seen it with my own eyes, so I KNOW. I know.

I haven't read the whole blog but my guess is that you perhaps is not all that interested in the western lifestyel either. I can tell you, having had both, the western life style have its huge problems. After all, we just said it's not all about the clothes. Being halfnaked doesn't make you happy either.

You need spirituality, you need somebody who cares about you, somebody who's at your high level, somebody who accepts you.

You've been hurt. You couldn't reach your full potential. It's because of obsticles that MEN put up, in order to keep their power. Men who didn't remember that we're all brothers and sisters.

Come try out Sweden, habibti.

Love //Imaan

Um Haleema said...

Nope, it isn't the culture. Muslims in the West have the same problems that you probably have if their parents are religious. Fathers and/or brothers control their lives. Muslims men are ignorant, spoiled rotten perverts and the girls are not allowed to wear whatever they want without their community having their say about it.

If Islam was perfect your testimony would not be worth half that of a man. Islam does not necessarily make your life better. I have seen a perfect life turned to crap, trapped in a box lined with ridiculous, unnecessary rules because of a conversion to Islam. So, do not blame it on culture. The culture was made by the religion. I think that it is fair to judge by the fruit of that ideology. How many other Muslim women feel exactly the same way as Arab Lady but are afraid to speak up?

localexpat said...

Um Haleema said...
"How many other Muslim women feel exactly the same way as Arab Lady but are afraid to speak up?"

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS!!! ( and men as well)

Umm Haleema, "Muslims in the West have the same problems that you probably have if their parents are religious." means nothing, Muslims come from certain parts of the world all have one thing in common, the closed minded culture.
Islam is about moderation, so lets not label Islam under those extremist and generalize.
Thos who feel the same way as you and Arab Lady have been unfortunate to be surrounded by men who took what works for them in the Shariaa and left what doesn't.
Before making such generalization, take the time to read about the teaching of Islam with regards to treating women. Don't stereotype it with your experience, compare notes to happier muslims and ask why?
Those thousands of woman you are referring to are the victims of the men who are driven by cultural biases and norms. Nothing to do with Islam.

Um Haleema said...

Luckily, for all of us, I typed up a big old rant to hot lemon & honey but it got lost in cyberspace.

In brief:
- Muslims come from ALL over the world not just the Middle East. So you can't blame Middle Eastern culture for the ills if Islam.
- The most extreme Muslims are the ones that convert and had lived in the 'west' their whole lives.
-I have never been surrounded by Muslim men or for that matter, by any men that think that they are superior to me because they are men. If I do find myself around one that speaks or act in that manner I have the ability to tell them to kiss off!
-You don't need to tell me to read about the teaching of Islam in regards to the treatment of women. 1. I have
2. Real application speaks a lot louder than theory to me. (not that the theory is appealing to a woman with a mind of her own)
-Those 'cultural biases and norms' That I have complaints with are spelled out in Shariaa and they don't appeal to my sense of justice.

and you said: 'most women in the west are not treated better . Superficially they may seem to live a better life, but they are used as a tool and they are paying the price for thier quest of equality everydayd. Believe me' But you tell ME not to make generalizations? You have bought into that lie and you are now trying to sell it yourself. I have options open to me that millions of Muslim women around the world (and even Muslims here in the west) can't even hope to dream of. You see, rather than having to rely on the rules laid down by a man who determined what the role of a woman should be, I get to live my life MY way. Thanks to the freedom given to me by the laws of equality in my country.

And, no, I have never been screwed over by men. And I pity the fool that thinks that he is better than me because he has a penis. I can too easily show him that he is dead wrong and I even have laws to back me up if by chance I wasn't able to humble him myself. I am happily married to man that cherishes me, and spoils me rotten.

ArabLady said...

yes chicken coz I have the courage to criticize and think ya lion

I have noticed that no body gave a convincing answer you guys just repeated wut others & parents have stuffed you mind with

Islam is the solution
Islam is the religion of equality

Yes maybe the religion of equality when it comes to color, social status, race..etc but when it comes to gender FORGET IT

Coz al rigal kawamoon 3alal nisa2!
I have seen women working day & night while their husbands r chilling out without bearing any kind of responsibility…and yet when his wife wanna go out she takes his permission

Is this your Islam!!

I have seen girls dying to get married but their brothers or fathers keep refusing this and that and years pass by and the girl hits her 40z and ppl call her a spinster!!!
Is this your Islam!!\
She cant go ahead and get married unless a male approves that!! What the hell….where is the equality
She cant control her life, she cant decide 4 her future, she cant say no

Your Islam might works if men abide by its teaching …stop talking about the glory of islam during the golden days!! I’m living in 2007 and I don’t care about ancestors I do care about Muslims nowadays…

Its not only the culture but also the religion …who gave the privileges to men? Cutler and religion

At least in the west they don’t kill the person if he/she converted to another religion, they don’t label him/her as a kafer…see what happened to women when Taliban was in control,,,,have u seen what happened to some women in Gaza strip once Hamas took over…its terror …muslims enforce their teachings without convincing their kids..the girl must wear hejab nomatter wut and by force even is she doesn’t like it …she ends up doing it by force and losing hassanat coz pleasing her culture was the intention…

I figured out that I’m believing in a very complicated religion..i want a simple religion away from if u don’t do this and that u will go to hell….if u talk to/sit with strange men, then its 7aram, what about our intentions….

Is this your Islam

I don’t intend to offend anybody… but this is my spot and I’m free to express what is going in mind…I don’t write to please others....i love allah & I don’t anybody to reshape the relation between us

I want a simple practical religion that frees my soul and aims at building healthy intellectual society

Well yes muslims gave me a hard time through out my life..just seeing that in the media made me arab muslim men …

ArabLady said...

Iman if u can make the visa yareet :) tafshana min hal mogtama3at el motakhalifa...probably canada is ok

This comment has been removed by the author.

Umm Hallema,
I see that most of your first response is to me.
First, I did not generalize, I said most. I never blamed the culture of the MIDDLE east, it is the EAST part of the world that practices this biases.
To think that the application speaks volume is sad. Because 1-not everybody learn about Islam fresh, they inherit it with all the biases they are tought along with it. How many of us have read deeply about Islam? You havn't for sure, I havn't either. but every time I have a question I do look it up from a reliable source.
What you keep going on and on about are all cultural stuff and personal life styles. The bedouin culture of "honour killing" in Jordan. The fact that men want to keep their women at home here in the gulf..where in the Quraan is that mentioned? tell me.
Nobody is telling you to do anything, so put your defences down and think with an open mind while you read our comments. After all we don't know you, we dont really care no matter what we say. It is your life, you think what you want.
But it saddens me to see that your basing your opinions of some shallow observations and generalize. So this is an attempt for you to see what you don't/cant' see with you distorted mind.

Yes, most of us are resentful of the way men behave in our countries, we all think it is a man's world, it isn't fair, people cherry pick evidence from the Shariaa with regards to women. But that doesn't put the blame on Islam.
maybe you should live the liberal life of the west and write us a post years later telling us about it. I for one would love to know. (No sarcasim here).

Arab Lady
I'm sorry that you've been hurt,dissapointed and ambivilant. it doesn't take genious to realize that you have been. Hopefully get some peace of mind and meet people who really represent Islam and god muslims like I have.

All the best

Um Haleema said...

hot lemon and honey,
Please, your comments to me do not make any sense because you are for some reason refusing to read the actual words that I wrote.

For one, I never even spoke of honor killing did I? The only things that I spoke of is what is in the Quran (which by the way should be the ONLY place that one should learn Islam since the book was so perfect - said so itself)

How many women does it take to equal the testimony of one man?

Which sex is more abundant in hell?
Why is that? Is it because they are more deficient in their religion? Why is that?

A woman needs a guardian. Why is that?

What is the definition of generalizing to you? To me it means saying "most" and you said: 'most women in the west are not treated better . Superficially they may seem to live a better life, but they are used as a tool and they are paying the price for thier quest of equality everydayd. Believe me'

Ok, I've lived in the 'liberal west' for 43 years now. What would you like me to tell you? I certainly can tell you that it is not true as it is for you that 'most of us are resentful of the way men behave in our countries, we all think it is a man's world' So what does that say? We have equality laws here, we have sexual harassment laws, we have equal opportunity laws, we have civil rights laws. We do not have laws based on religons that we may not believe in yet we have freedom to believe in and practice any religon we want (even Satanism) as long as they do not violate anyone else's civil liberties.

Don't converts learn thier religon fresh? You might want to put down your defenses and re-read what I have said. I know that Islam works for some but my point is that it is not perfect if it does not work for ALL equally.

Imaan On Ice said...

We who "defend" Islam have one problem: Islam as it was interpreted from an early stage wasinterpreted by men. So it went wrong from the beginning. And when we try to read and understand these interpretations today it becomes even more wrong beacuse that is also mostly done by men. It's like what we call the Whispering Game. Some people sit in a circle and one person says in a low voice "Allah gave equity to men and women" in the person's ear sitting beside him, and then after the phrase being repeted silently in ear after ear (can u understand this confusing explanation?) it should the be said out loud by the last person in the cirlce... it usually comes out completely different, like "Allah have always prefered men".

Say Astaghfirullah.

So, it becomes BOTH culture and religion, because the religion was contaminated from an early stage.

BUT, thanks God, there are muslims who do realize what Allah meant with his Islam to us.

My advice is that you decide what Islam means to you. Read the sources and interpret it in your own way. At the moment you need to be around GOOD muslims, who are free of the cultural bad behaviour (all is not bad).

Take your time.

Love //Imaan

I guess Ummm Haleema I was trying to address ArabLadys points as well as yours. So I appologize for the confusion.
Most to me is not generalization, all is, "Muslims" "Islam" is.
I think you are unfortunate to have only met converts who chose to be extremist, I on the other hand met those who practice it in moderation and set good examples of Islam.
You my dear seem to be confused by my writing (maybe I don't write well), I clearly said that you should read the Shariaa law, which is from the Quraan, yeah by all means if your Arabic is good enough go right to the source and try understand the Quraan. The points you are making are interesting ones, I can't pretend I know the answer to all of them, so I won't explain it or attempt to until I understand it.
Umm Haleema, seems you have read all you want in Islam and you have made your mind. Glad you have found you found peace somewhere. You can relax now and leave Islam alone.

Again ArabLady hope you are well.

onlibya said...

it is my pleasure habeebty.

sniper said...

Hey Arab Lady,
Just wanted to say that i agree with u with most of ur thoughts until u started criticizing Islam... too bad u joined that club.. I read all ur posts last night just to know what made u come up with what u did. I was shocked at ur very first post when u said u were muslim woman and u started talking about misconception of Islam in the west!

What the hell do u know about islam?
"Wa iza al maw2odato so2elat, b 2ai zanben kotelat" think about this, which religion said this verse in its early time?
I guess I know what ur problem is, u just have lost ur identity

Hanan said...

Controversy!! Sho saweity ya Arab lady? LOL
Esma7eely I wont comment on the topic! Just wanted to say Hi =)

Salam 7abibti!

Remember that there are cultures out there, older than Islam is. So those who say religion forms culture, (it can to an extent but not entirely) are wrong.

That is why you see some muslims trying to justify female circumcisison. Which Muslims? Those who live in the Nile region (Egypt, Somalia, Ethiopia etc) And what is female circumcision called in medical terms? Pharaoic circumcision.

Muslims in Pakistan eg. have traditionally never heard of female circumcision.

Islam has been part of Bosnia for centuries. You do not have honor killings there. You do not have what you have in the Arab world there.

I understand how you feel, and you are justified in your anger, but it is to be directed on the people and their way of choosing how to interpret religion.

If we want things to change, we have to, as women, acquire positions of knowledge when it comes to religion, in order to also have the right to interpret.

Men have taken that position, and thus interpretations have been coloured by male perspectives and we have been fed an islam that is not at all what the Prophet came with.

md said...

Heylo my love!

I read the anti-Islam post this morning and now that it's 3:40 a.m. and it's peaceful and silent at home, I decided to comment but you've removed the post.

You see AL, I went through this phase in 2002. I was so tired of the complex shit of morality and everything else that people tried to burden me with and I began studying and reading though other religions, especially the ones that only spoke of a simple living and being truthful to oneself. Now that's what I was looking for! :)

But do you see where I went wrong? In so many places...

I realised that Islam also asks you to adopt a simple lifestyle and be truthful to why didn't I feel/see it? Secondly, I also REALISED (not plain 'understood') that I searched for faith in people...but I didn't find it. Disappointed, I thought Islam was what I saw in those people's habits, but it wasn't.

AL, everyday you wake up to honor killings and all kinds of psychotic shit. How would I then blame you for the thoughts you're having? You're looking through a glass prism from one angle and you only see a red colour. And you hate red colour. If you just turned the prism a few more degrees, you'll see a beautiful green. Maybe then it'll make you realise that HEY...not all colours are bad.

People use religion to justify their crazy behaviour. I live a simple, religious life where I try to be a good person (you can't be a good Muslim without being a good human). And I don't care what people say or judge me as. Nobody is perfect, so why should I let those imperfect bastards judge me? I have so much digust and hatred for people who abuse Islam's name.

Just choose a simple philosophy in Islam and live life like that. Please give yourself a break from the negativity that you read in media everyday. Find a grip and then why not DO something about what you see?

It's been a while. Call me! Next time 3anooda is here, we should meet :))

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira , MD,
Beautifull written, bless you girls. I really felt at ease reading your comments, made sense was logical and most of all calming.
Truely blessed girls.

md said...

God bless you too HL&H. You've always stood up for what you believe in, no matter what people think. I respect that!

TwinTopaz said...

AL..please do not mix up local traditions and Islam..many of the beliefs in Arab world are actually local customs wrongfully labeled as Islam.. Islam has nothing to do with Head to Toe covering of woman, Islam has nothing to do with not allowing women to go out side their homes or travel without maherms..Islam has nothing to do with not allowing women to marry men of their choice, Islam has nothing to do with the common but wrong belief that 2 women witnesses are equal to one man witness..i wonder if some ppl will be suprised by above facts but believe me we really need to rediscover islam and reject all these wrong ideas..

We cannot blame islam if someone or some socities try to implant their traditions and local customs under the name of islam..we cannot!!

(Ahem.. i miss the photos..plz post them agian)

Imaan On Ice said...

Salam, I have to agree that the thoughts above were both beautiful, well-written and true.

I hope that you will be able to take them to your heart.

You have made us all concerned and worried now, not so much that you will leave islam (it's all in Allah's destiny) but that you are not feeling well.

And besides from of course wanting you to see and feel the beauty of islam, we all also want you to feel well.

Now that you removed the post, I don't know if it's a good or bad sign.

I just want to say that I do admire your courage. It's only by admitting your problems and issues that you can begin healing. I thought it was a brave and heartfelt post. You would not "hate" if you didn't also love. I also read your first post and other's were you have prayed for God, so I think you have a sincere faith, that just have been damaged by ... you know what.

I don't know what more to say. I just want to send you a hug and let you know that even though we might have different experiences, different approaches, different thoughts, we also have the same experiences, approaches and thoughts too. Somehow we want the same. We are sisters.

Don't feel lonely.

Islam is for you too.

Love //Imaan

rosh said...

An intense post - I just wanted to add, it WILL help if you segregate between religion and a culture, created by the misguided or the fanatics who act in the name of a falsified religion to meet elfish motives (eg: OBL and cronies?)

Islam today, is perhaps going thru what Christianity experienced in the early centuries - remember Joan of Arc - they burnt her alive, partly in the name of religion, because she fought for freedom! This was a part of the culture and mentality in Europe then.

Hence it is not the religion, my dear - it is the fanatics who twist noble religions/teachings to create such an unpleasant culture. Give it time, education and awareness to the world will bring about change. Hang in there and splurge into those positive thoughts (they are free :)

somebody said...

Hi Arab Lady

I think that you don't know what you want, but you are so good in criticizing others (arab men, muslim men, local women, taleban, the whole world, etc). It so easy to throw stones in all directions, but i suggest that u get ur life straightened before you find that you ran out of stones and more importantly power! I can see that u are reading the 'Change your life in 30 days' (a great book for those who don't know what they want or who they are), changing work, looking for other jobs, in-and-out but probably without focus or clear goal.

It is a great thing to express yourself freely in your spot :) but sometimes people would say things that they might regret latter on (I hope u don't feel such a thing because it is a very terrible feeling).

Just a thought that I wanted to share from somebody to nobody!

Perkunas said...

Hang in there, AL, and forgive people for not being perfect. There is a lot of beauty in the world that is covered up by that which isn't beautiful -- you're not alone in your feelings and perceptions so just give yourself a chance to find a way that works for you. I don't mean to sound bossy, just saying that it can take some time to forgive the world for not being perfect.

Perkunas said...

From another blog:

Suliman said...
You blame the Egyptian regime for the case, and I agree that they are immediately responsible for the actions taken. But the regime does not operate in a vacuum nor was it imported from abroad. The real blame rests with the oppressive, backward, hypocritical islamic culture that does not and cannot coexit with open criticism. The regime is only a symptom of a diseased culture, wrongly called a civilization by numerous apologists, a culture of zombies who do not have a clue what age they live in. If it is not the Danish cartoon or the Italian parliament shithead, then they will turn on each other. The regime is only one actor in that horrible tragedy against humanity. As long as Arab/Muslim masses are accepting of the kind of bullshit that the islamists feed them daily about trees that can spell Arabic words and moons that split in half over Mecca, they will seek victims to oppress and hate, both outside and inside. There has not been any freedom in those societies, not before during or after any political regime. And as long as people can be silenced for "insulting" invisible entities, then they will be ruled with fire and witchcraft.