Blabblaaaah...another day

26 January, 2009

I am so delighted to see my starvation plan working perfectly fine & beyond my expectation. Its almost the 9th day if I’m not mistaken. The resolution is like no chocolate, no coke, no fast food, no fattening stuff, no tea with milk along with drinking a lot of water, almost two litters per day!

Lately I have been so upset about my body & the way I look …I just want my sexy body back. I tried zillions of centers, fat burning, appetite reducers but nothing worked since I lacked the determination & will… along with infrequent blogging were the only ways I used to manifest & express my depression & emotional status….

Hope I would be able to continue what I have started…. I have too….do I have another option?….for a change I’m thinking of changing my hair style & geting my eyebrow reshaped…looking for a tattoo artist too? If you know someone professional in dubai plz let me know..
I haven’t changed my hair color in 6 months …do you imagine! I just had some highlight three months ago …Actually I have tried various colors blond, red, & black ….now I’m looking for a new color…probably i might wait for another six months until I finish my masters ….finishing my degree would signal the start of a new chapter in my life so changing my look would be a must then!

Today I talked with my sister …I don’t know what to say but she sounded frustrated & said she doenst want to have anything to do with this family anymore! She had enough of listening to our problems….

I wish if you could know how much I love you my beloved sister ….sometimes I feel I love her more than my mother …she is my supporting back…I could never imagine my life without her ….she never let me down….was by my side since ever….i just love u more than anything in life…

Daaaaaaaah I’m sick of myself being tooooo emotional ………isn’t the right time to toughen my heart & get over my weaknesses

A good question!

I got to start studying ….

22 January, 2009

This semester I got some heavy subjects & honestly im afraid to screw up in Retail marketing Management!
I have got two projects & plenty of assignments for this damn course as if we are not full time employeeeeeeeeeees! For god’s sake we are not working for the government sector!! We are not that spoiled …..
Whats the hell! are we studying at Harvard….
For the individual project onlyyy, he wants secondary data, 5 interviews with retailers & 6 observational Examples! Get a life!! Who would have the time to do all of that!!

I feel sorry for my money wasted in doing my masters here….i could have studied at AUC or AUD without the imaginary figure we pay each semester….6 months & 9 days to go …..lately I have been nagging , whining, complaining a lot …right?
: )

I won't wish my self a peaceful weekend this time…an average one would be ok !!


If your religion does not change you, change your religion

21 January, 2009

**** If your religion does not change you, change your religion****

An inspiring quote I came across yesterday….its by Elbert Hubbard..
I have been thinking a lot about this sentence ….my sister threw some comments last night when she said
you are not in need of us…nor do we …but remember that one day you will be asked about your deeds!!

Shall women compromise in the name of religion?
Shall I surrender submit ….accept the current situation & tolerate more shit because allah will punish me if I wanna go against the current flow!!! So surprising that she wants me to experience what she has gone through! Advocates of misery!

I’m just asking when can religion become a burden on Mankind!! So would you change your religion if it didn’t change you!

My Life in a boooook

20 January, 2009

Today while I’m heading to office I had the idea of turning my blog into a diary published to the public…the only difference would be sharing my thoughts on every thing ...its not an experience of not being a thinker, scientist, politician but an Arab female living in a Muslim conservative male dominated cultures….

I don’t know if my life details & the obstacles I faced & I’m still facing would inspire young ladies out there….i reached to a point that I cant compromise anymore….some people accuse me of being too ambiguous …they cant understand that I’m tired of hiding many things I kept secret for years…

i have been restricted to practice my rights just becoz of gender issues….i have missed out on lots of opportunities & chances that could have pushed me steps forward….

Sometimes I wish if I could write about every thing & anything on this webpage without being afraid of revealing my identity or discovering who I’m ……….

No one on earth knows that I have been sexually harassed in my childhood of the incidents was by close ppl..i wish if I could know mom’s reaction when she discovers who tried to sexually molest me when I was 6 years old…..

I would also tell my story with Hija which i put it on for a certain time ....then I couldn’t tolerate it anymore…being a non-hejabi now put me under the criticism zone for ever…I have got many things to say to the world…most importantly to the fucking culture….

i will really work hard to make this idea come true … even if I couldn’t change my life…my experience would change the life of many young ambitious ladies ….i wont reveal my identity as it will always remain Arab Lady …i really hope to accomplish this dream by the end of 2009….i will just write it publish it & distribute it FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ضقنا ذرعا منك يا "دول الاعتدال"

17 January, 2009

المؤامرة العربية لاغتيال المقاومة....يا أيها الخائنون لأوطانكم
دور الدول العربية تجاه القضية الفلسطينية بات مفضوووووح و أصبح "العبيط" قبل العاقل يفطن ان تأخر الدول العربية "المعتدلة" في أخذ موقف يشرف شعوبها ما هو إلا لاعطاء اسرائيل المزيد من الوقت لإنهاء و تصفية المقاومة في الأراضي المحتلة

شي مخزي او بالأحرى مقزز" لرئيس دولة" منتهية صلاحيته ان يتقاعس عن حضور قمة قد عقدت لانقاذ شعبه!!!! تعرض" لضغوط" ؟ أي ضغوط هذه ؟
انا اسأل عباس الآن: لأجندة من أنت تعمل؟
موقف مشرف لدولة قطر أن تدعو قادة الفصائل الفلسطينية المقاومة! هم ممثلين الشعب و هم المتحدثين الرسميين عن شعب غدرته أجندات السلطة الفلسطينية و أجندات "الدول العربية المعتدلة"

"الدولة العربية الكبرى" تتبجح بدورها و تضحياتها و الخمس الحروب التي خاضتها من أجل الفلسطينيين و كان النظام الحاكم الحالي هو من كان صاحب القرار بتأدية واجب ديني و قومي و نضالي!!

زمن الشرفاء انتهى و أطالب كل فلسطيني بكف مناجاة " الدولة العربية الكبرى" لفتح المعابر فقد باعت فتح و السلطة القضية فلماذا نحمل "الدول المعتدلة" مسؤوليات قومية في حين هي نفسها لا تستطيع تأدية واجباتها تجاه شعوبها!

أنا نفسي افهم ماهو مبدأ المواطنة و حقوق المواطن لدى العرب في حين الحكومة في وادي و الشعب في واد!!!
لماذا يخضع المواطن لاجندة الحكومة الغير شعبية في حين المطلوب ان تمثل الحكومات شعوبها!!

أنا أطالب كل فلسطيني و عربي و كل انسان شريف بان يحمي و يدافع عن حق النضال المسلح ضد الاحتلال و عدم الانجراف وراء تراهات أناس باعوا انفسهم قبل ان يبيعوا القضية...

أطالب أهل الضفة بموقف وطني و أطالب حركة فتح بالاختفاااااااااااء عن الخريطة السياسية لان مشوارها المليء بالفضائح و الفساد السياسي و الاداري الذي أساء لوحدة الشعب الفلسطيني و رسخ الانقسام و غدر بالمقاومة و تآمر على شعب غزة... يا أهل الضفة فيييييييئوا فيييييئوا بنعاتب العربي و نسينا اهل البلد!!!!

انا أطالب أهل غزة برفض المعونات الاغاثية المرسلة من قبل "الدول المعتدلة" !! شعب حر شريف لا يقبل مال ملطخ بدم اطفال و دم غدر...

يا تجار الأرض....يا تجار سلام الشجعان....يا تجار الدولار و الدينار....
اخرجوا من أرضنا ... من برنا ....من بحرنا....من قمحنا ... من ملحنا.... من جرحنا.... من كل شيء ، و اخرجوا من مفردات الذاكرة

The Bitter Taste of Betrayal…Another Chapter …

I was strongly mistaken when I wished my self a peaceful weekend.
On the contrary it was a very depressing, heartbreaking weekend embroidered with bloody news…

Before switching off my car engine & before the minute I stepped into our house.. my brother bombarded me with some bad news

3rifti sho sar be beet khali?? (Did you know what happened to my uncle’s house?)
I was like shit what….
It got hit by the Iseali Army

I was frozen for a minute trying to imagine what happened to Mart Khali, her daughters in law, the kids….and everybody

A five floor building located next to UNWRA office collapsed….
2 kids got injured & the family escaped searching for a safe shelter …THX GOD ejat 3a 2ad heek!However, the worst part resembles in having 3 missing cousins

Probably I have mentioned before that Khali (mom’s bro) came from Gaza a month ago on a visit to UAE…How the hell you wana inform Khali who god knows how many health problems he suffers from…diabetes, blood pressure, & heart problems, I can go on & on
We haven’t informed Mom & khali on Thursday but as u know bad news spread fast….I couldn’t help but cry …I truly panicked ….ur blood boils when u see them being killed for no reason but when u see some beloved ppl in pain & horror you cry your heart out

Mom’s relatives now are dispersed ….she doesn’t know where some of her nieces & nephews have gone…they fled their homes & went to unknown places….my two aunts are fine but they are about to lose their mind from what they see….

The worst part comes on Friday Morning when I woke up on hearing mom crying for her niece who got killed with her husband & three kids ….a missile was shot on their car while heading to the hospital!! I couldn’t imagine how her sisters feel now! They lost their mother two years back & now they lost their sister…yalla allah ..please some mercy!

May they rest in eternal peace along with those who lost their souls & those who are still falling while we do nothing…we watch them getting slaughtered

Bent khali (my cousin) who lives in UAE has lost connection with her sister too ….the last call was when she heard her screaming “they hit our home & my daughter was home”…Thank God her 3- year- old daughter didn’t get hurt but the whole building collapsed when Israel hit the house of Saeed Siyam, one of Hammas Leaders …she had her daughter after more than 12 years! What about who lose their kids in dozens….entire families have been abolished.? Who will hear their screams….

I’m wearing black until this Umah wakes up & betrayer get their punishment…

Turned Twenty-Something

15 January, 2009

Somebody turned twenty-something few days back! I’m getting older & hopefully getting mature & wise as well!! duh

Well well well I’m officially labeled a “spinster now” : ) who cares anyways….i wish if things could have been better on all stages ( money, education, career, & most importantly love)!!

Got to loooooooooooooooooose weight…a sentence that I have been repeating it since ages! I need to get a liposuction then go hunt for a man ! lol

I’m wishng myself & everybody a peaceful weekend!


Shall History Forgive Us!

11 January, 2009

I feel helpless in the light of what is going in Palestine. The holocaust is still going on & the international community is helpless too. Hundreds of thousands Protested worldwide to condemn the barbaric cruel war but the screams fall on deaf ears!!!

No honorable political action has been taken so far by our governments. Donations & condemnation are useless too. Unless the economical card is used, war crimes in gaza will not be stopped.

What a memorable day in history when the president of Venezuela kicked out the Israeli ambassador to protest against the country's assault on Gaza!I believe arabs everywhere have the same expectations of Egypt, Jordan, Qatar, & Mauritania !

A group of Egyptian lawyers has recently succeeded in forcing Egyptian court to Overrule
a controversial 20-year deal on gas exports to Israel.Egypt loses $9m for each day that Cairo upholds the fixed-price agreement with Israel!So why Egypt is still supplying Nazis, oppps I mean their beloved peace partners, with gas although it goes against its national interest!

I still believe we, arabs, can do much better on the streets & via boycotting …through showing reality to others who have been brainwashed by their biased media….

I wish if I could have time to start a professional documentary website on the history of Palestine illustrating original maps & documents proving that this country has been suffering from ethical cleansing wars for the past 6 decades in a trial to abolish the native inhabitants….its a must project on my list! But serious efforts shall be joined to let this project see the light. meanwhile I hope that this simple slides pulled together by me in my free time could help reflect the tragedy of an occupied nation….

At this moment I proudly announce being anti-peace talks …pro Palestinian, pro-Hamas, pro-military resistance , anti-fatih ….! Full stop!!

اختلط الحابل بالنابل

09 January, 2009

بعد جولة سريعة لبعض المدونات العربية اتضح لي ان كفة ميزان المحتل النازي اضحت متساوية مع كفة المقاوم عند الاخوة العرب!

أصبح المقاوم "مجرد ارهابي مغطى بكيس اسود بفتحتين
شعور بالحسرة المؤلمة ان تنقسم الشعوب العربية بين شاجب و مؤيد لحق المقاومة المسلحة و كانه أمر غير مشروع! و متى كان يعاب على الشعوب كفاحها. و هل المطلوب الآن من الشعب الفلسطيني الرضوخ لانظمة لها أجندة مغايرة للأجندة شعوبها.

ماذا فعلت المقاومة الاسلامية في فلسطين لتنال سيل من الخناجر و ينعت شبابها المقاومين بالمتعصبين و المتشددين! هل تغير مفهوم المقاومة عبر العصور ام تغيرنا نحن!

هل أصبح حق الرد و حق الدفاع عن الارض و العرض ارهابا عند الاخوة العرب؟!

الشعب الفلسطيني اختار حماس بانتخابات شرعية و ديمقراطية بعد ان فشل خيار السلام مع من لا يريدون السلام.

عقود من الضلال و الفساد السياسي و النهب عاشها الشعب الفلسطيني تحت حكم حركة فتح ؟ وماذا بعد؟
يتشدق الليبيراليون العرب بخيار السلام ؟ فاي خيار سلام هذا؟
عقود من المحاداثات " العبثية" التي افضت لمزيد من ضياع للحقوق و هدم للبيوت و تجريف للمزارع ومصادرة للأراضي!

عقود من المحاداثات " العبثية" التي افضت لضياع حق عودة الاجئين و حق الحصول على دولة ذات سيادة...أي محادثات سلام يتكلمون عنها و اكثر من 11,000 معتقل فقد الامل بالحياة مثل اي شاب عادي....و جيل من الاطفال بعاني من أمراض نفسيا و يمنع من ابسط حقوق الطفولة...

احساس الخيانة له مذاق مر عندما ياتي من اقرب الناس لديك
حمى الله المقاومة "الغير عبثية" حامية الارض و الشجر و الحجر و اقول لرجال المقاومة مثلما غنت جوليا بطرس
لمقوامي حزب اللة في حرب اسرائيل على لبنان عام 2006

فأنتم مثلما قلتم رجال الله في الميدان
ووعدٌ صادقٌ أنتم
وأنتم نصرنا الآتي
وأنتم من جبال الشمسِ عاتيةٌ على العاتي
بكم يتحرر الأسرى
بكم تتحرر الأرض
ُبقبضتكم بغضبتك
ميصان البيت والعرضُ
بناة حضارةٍ أنتم وأنتم نهضة القيمِ

أقبلُ نبلَ أقدامٍبه
ا يتشرّفُ الشرفُ
بعزّةِ أرضنا انغرستْ
فلا تكبو وترتجفُبكم
سنغيرُ الدنياويسمعُ صوتنا القدر
ُبكم نبني الغدَ الأحلى
بكم نمضي وننتصر

I got Palestine’s flag!

07 January, 2009

Yesterday few of sharjah & Dubai residents participated in the silent protest held at am phi theater located in Dubai Media City…attendees lit candles & held the flags…for the first time in my life I participate in such a gathering showing solidarity to people in Gaza Strip... its an overwhelming feeling…was so lovely to see some non-Arab faces carrying some pictures of Gaza’s Massacre …although it’s a nice gesture from the volunteers who organized the event but things could have been better by having a planned program. The most important thing I feel happy about is the small flag I got….i even brought it with me to work.

Meanwhile I’m uploading more pictures on my blog, msn profile, & facebook along with sending some e-mails to all my contacts to let the world see the unseen truth….pictures speak a thousand word don’t they say so
I’m so terrified as I can see no end to this barbaric war…they hit every living spot…they bombed schools, mosques, houses, factories…it’s one of the dirtiest ethical cleansing wars ever….& the world enjoys seeing the Palestinian blood,
innocent victims falling everyday
unbelievable destruction,
children’s bodies torn into pieces
chemical weapons used against disarmed civilians
abolition of the human kind…
and the world remains silent!

I feel like singing Mawtini….
Here is the lyrics…sing with me & pass it on …beautiful words…

مَــوطِــنــي مَــوطِــنــي
الجـلالُ والجـمالُ والسَّــنَاءُ والبَهَاءُ
فـــي رُبَــاكْ فــي رُبَـــاكْ
والحـياةُ والنـجاةُ والهـناءُ والرجـاءُ
فــي هـــواكْ فــي هـــواكْ
هـــــلْ أراكْ هـــــلْ أراكْ
سـالِماً مُـنَـعَّـماً وَ غانِـمَاً مُـكَرَّمَاً
هـــــلْ أراكْ فـي عُـــلاكْ
تبـلُـغُ السِّـمَـاكْ تبـلـغُ السِّـمَاك
مَــوطِــنِــي مَــوطِــنِــي
مَــوطِــنِــي مَــوطِــنِــي
الشبابُ لنْ يكِلَّ هَمُّهُ أنْ تستَقِـلَّ أو يَبيدْ
نَستقي منَ الـرَّدَى ولنْ نكونَ للعِــدَى
كالعَـبـيـــــدْ كالعَـبـيـــــدْ
لا نُريــــــدْ لا نُريــــــدْ
ذُلَّـنَـا المُـؤَبَّـدا وعَيشَـنَا المُنَكَّـدا
لا نُريــــــدْ بـلْ نُعيــــدْ
مَـجـدَنا التّـليـدْ مَـجـدَنا التّليـدْ
مَــوطِــنــي مَــوطِــنِــي
مَــوطِــنِــي مَــوطِــنِــي
الحُسَامُ و اليَـرَاعُ لا الكـلامُ والنزاعُ
رَمْــــــزُنا رَمْــــــزُنا
مَـجدُنا و عـهدُنا وواجـبٌ منَ الوَفا
يهُــــــزُّنا يهُــــــزُّنا
عِـــــــزُّنا عِـــــــزُّنا
غايةٌ تُـشَــرِّفُ و رايـةٌ ترَفـرِفُ
يا هَـــنَــاكْ فـي عُـــلاكْ
قاهِراً عِـــداكْ قاهِـراً عِــداكْ
مَــوطِــنِــي مَــوطِــنِــي

Massacre of Gazan Children‏

05 January, 2009

لك تفي ع هيك امة بلا رجال

لاول مرة بحس انه الاحداث بتدفعني لاكون متطرفة بارائي و معتقداتي....العالم فقد الاحساس و الانسانية و شعب عم يباد و جرائم حرب بشعة عم بتسير و حكومات فاشلة عم بتخطب و تفتي بان المعبر يحق السيطرة عليه من قبل دولة مجرمة اعتقد انو بلش يخرف هالانسان يالي لا بارك الله بحياته و لا بعمله
لاول مرة بشعر اني حمساوية بامتياز و اني جدا مهيئة لاني اكون نموذج متطرف جدا لدرجة اني فقدت تعاطفي مع قتلى تفجيرات القاعدة يالي بتستهدف مواطني دول الاجرام ...هو حل مشروع طالما دم العرب مستباح
حما الله آخر رجال العالم المقاومين ....أخر الرجال على الارض و مافي بعدهم شي اسمو رجولة
خذلتهم الامة لاكن لم يخذلوا الله و لا وطنهم

For the first time I see myself so radical in my beliefs….its beyond my control…seeing people being killed in hundreds just poured into me all the hatred towards those participating in killing & starving 1.5M Palestinian

Egypt’s official standing from what is happening is disgusting! The fat pig is now talking about what is legal & not legal…..

i wish if AL Qaeda would please our hearts by hitting each & every target for Israel world wide….why have we been so against targeting them abroad?! They are a bunch of inhuman killers who were scattered all over the world …. guess what? They figured out all of the sudden that the are God’s chosen people…
your promised land is just a dream which will be vanished by Hamas
Viva Hamas